Learn To Take Advantage!

I’ve been learning to take advantage of the times my teenage daughter chooses to open up and talk. In the past I would make a comment of her lack of communication towards my wife and I. I so badly wanted to just talk to her the way we used to. When she was younger she would talk, and talk, and talk. I regret I didn’t take more advantage of those times in her younger years. My daughter is 14 years old now, and sometimes I wonder who this person is living with me. I would try to force a conversation or nag her to share her day, but I have come to realize that if I give her the space and time she needs, she will open up. I try my best to become a listener and just enjoy those moments. When I would try to fix her situation or make some comment, it would only shut her down. So now I have become a listener, and when the time is right I will give her some fatherly advice in a loving way. I truly have a peace about her teenage years. I know that God has a purpose for her life. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like she only talks on her terms, but when my wife and I give her space and time to open up it is so much more intimate and we connect more with her. There are times where I would wonder if I am doing a good job as her father. I know I am and I will make mistakes or say or do the wrong thing, but I have learned to humble myself and seek forgiveness with God and with my children. It was my birthday yesterday and my daughter wrote me a letter. It was very moving to hear her tell me that I am doing a great job and to keep doing what I’m doing. It brought tears to my eyes. So I know as we go through the teenage years there will be times my daughter may not want to talk or share what’s on her heart. But I do know if we as parents just ask God to give us grace and peace to just give them time to open up when they are ready; it will be well worth it. Even if is for a brief moment, it will bring you closer to your children and you will build trust with them. I have seen the difference in my daughter since I have learned to shut up and listen. There is a movie called the Notebook. It is about a love story of a man and his wife. The movie starts out in a convalescent hospital and then it goes back and tells the story of their life together. Well the later stages of their life the wife has Alzheimer’s, and she is in a convalescent hospital. The husband comes to visit her everyday even though she doesn’t know who he is most of the time. But she has moments where she regains her memory and recognizes her husband. They talk and dance and he just enjoys the moments with her before she forgets once again who he is. It is amazing how faithful he is, he doesn’t try to force his wife to remember. He knows if he does he will only push her away. He took advantage of those times when she remembered who he was. Now I’m not saying my daughter has Alzheimer’s, but I am saying that I do need to take advantage of those times when my daughter is ready to open up and share her heart with me. I want to be a faithful listener and studier of my daughter. I know as she grows and matures, she will open up more and let us in as parents. We have already been through the teenage years with our son, and we have a great relationship today. And I still have my little 6 year old daughter who just loves to talk. I appreciate it more than I ever did before. I know there are times when we are tired, pre-occupied, have chores to do around the house, or maybe involved in ministry, but I tell you to take advantage of those talking years. You don’t want to regret it in their teenage years. Your kids will go through some years of trying to find their identity, or independence from you, but hang in there. It will get better, and you can build a trust with them during these times if you are patient and learn to listen. It doesn’t mean they can do what they want, we still need to discipline, but we need to let them know we will be their for them when they need us. Hang in there and take advantage of those times when they open up and allow you into their lives. It will be an investment into your children that will always pay out.

Mark Soto