It seems that mothering has fallen on hard times. This wonderful noble vocation has not only lost a lot of respect (ever heard someone say they were "just a mom"?) it's become more and more difficult--or so it seems.
According to Save The Children's Mothers Index the United States is not the easiest place to be a mother. In fact, the U.S. rates number 28--under many other developed countries including the Baltic states, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania; and eastern and central European states such as Croatia and Slovenia. What sort of things effect a country's score? Things like access to health care, enrollment in preschools, length and pay of maternity leave and access to birth control. (To see the whole index for 2010, click here.)
In all my motherhood struggles, I cannot say that my having (or not having, as it were) health insurance, having (or not having, as it were) my children enrolled in preschool, having (or not having, as it were) maternity leave and using (or not using) birth control have ever been factors in what made the struggle harder.
What are my greatest challenges? How to find time to spend intimate time with the Lord, because every time I sit down with my Bible and a cup of tea there is another diaper that needs to be changed. Questioning whether or not I'm giving each child enough one-on-one time. Striking and constantly readjusting the balance of discipline.....how much is too much and how much is too little? Finding time to honor my marriage with special one-on-one time aside from children and when I find the time talking about something other than the children. Saturdays filled with dentist appointments, dog to the vet, groceries and errands leaving me too tired to fold the laundry on the couch. Wanting to connect with each child, honoring their individuality and special gifts, and feeling guilty when I know I've blown it.
Is mothering really more difficult than it was in the past? Of that I'm not sure. I know it is when I start using the world's scales to do evaluations of my mothering. You know that arbitrary and completely artificial list we all have in our minds somewhere. Never lose your temper, three square meals a day with no repeats in a week, clean house, manicured lawn, children involved in community activities, Awanas, piano lessons and sports, keep up with correspondance, teach the children manners, fingerpaint with the kids, volunteer for several church activities and committees, go on all school field trips, spend time with your husband with enough energy intimacy at night, and in all this find time to stay fit! When I hold my mothering up to that I feel like I am failing. But, when I come into the grace of God and look to His Word for what my role is, I know that I am more than able in Him!
A friend once shared with me her philosophy of parenting, "My job," she said, "is to be a steward of my child's journey." I love that.
I am to instruct my children in the ways the of the Lord, cover them in prayer, show them love and model for them a life lived passionately with integrity. And remember grace. I need to show my kids how to extend grace to others by first extending it to myself.
Breathe. Deeply.
Grace. God has already provided everything I need. Inhale.
I cannot earn His love by my good works or good mothering. Exhale.
I have to trust that when I fall short, God librally makes up the difference. Breathe in grace.
I have to let go of the desire to appear perfect. Breathe out grace.
I have to decide that Jesus has already acheived the standard and that I stand complete in Him. Deeper and deeper.
I can forgive others for their imperfections, becuase I stand forgiven for mine. Joy.
And if I can accept these truths for myself, I can teach my children to accept them, too.
The United States may rank number 28 in the Mother's Index, but the Lord stands number 1 as a Father. And He is teaching me how to parent by parenting me.
