From An Older Sexually Confident Wife!

Today when I read Shannon Ethridge's Hot Tip, I immediately thought, "I have to share this on the Eden Blog!"  I mean, if Eden isn't about a lifetime of love and intimacy, I don't know what is!  Read this, be inspired and spice things up--all the days of your life!

Helen writes:


Shannon, you spoke at our church this past year. I was one of the “older” gals in the crowd. My husband and I have been married almost 50 years, and we’re probably considered the poster children for the “happily married couple.” I wanted to share what happened to me at the retreat…

I prayed that Friday morning that the Lord would use me and that I would be open to anything He wanted to teach me, then I went off to the retreat.

And then you showed up…

If anyone had asked me, I would have said that my husband and I have a great sex life and have from the beginning of our marriage. I had orgasms easily from the first day of our marriage. We are fortunate in that we were both virgins and believers when we got married…

I thought our sex life was “normal” and better than a lot. Yes, my husband seemed to want it all the time and yes, I was worn out during the child-rearing season so we did have plenty of those “not tonight” discussions during those years. But I was always happy to “pay” him for help around the house with a “quickie” every so often.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

I keep asking myself that question. Something major – MAJOR happened. My menopause lasted many years, and I had several health issues and enough depression to warrant medication. Unfortunately a side effect of the medication was that I could no longer have an orgasm. Having never had that problem before, I begged God for the feeling to come back, to the point of tears, but eventually told God that I would be content with whatever I currently had or did not have. I stopped the anti-depressants after a few months, but the ability to climax never returned. My husband has also had some erectile dysfunction issues over the past decade, but we’ve operated under the premise that it’s always too soon to give up! This has resulted in greater intimacy. Even though all we had to offer each other sometimes was holding and kissing, we never gave up wanting all we could have with one another.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

Over 20 years ago my husband approached me about doing a little more experimenting. By that he meant he wanted to have oral sex. I was dead set against it. It just seemed wrong to me. I tried to explain that intimacy to me was face-to-face, mouth-to-mouth, etc. We tried it a few times but I hated it and finally asked him not to bring it up again. He graciously complied. I mention all of this for two reasons: (1) a person’s mental attitude is everything, and (2) as I have thought about this over the past few days, I believe my husband’s selflessness and not-insisting attitude communicated that he loved and respected me, and that however I felt about something was all right. He wanted to please me more than he wanted to please himself and have sex the way he wanted it. I believe his wonderful attitude contributed to the freedom that I experienced after your retreat…

SOMEHOW, BY GOD’S GRACE AND THE ANOINTING ON WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT, God did something amazing. I’m not sure what He did or if I even know which time you spoke or if it was an accumulation of what you said plus your book. But it was like I had a curtain over my mind and suddenly God pulled the curtain back and set me free to FULLY enjoy myself and, though I had heard and believed the saying that “nothing is wrong between you and your mate if it is all right with both of you,” somehow, I now had a new GREEN LIGHT that God made these parts of our bodies for our enjoyment. More to the point, it was alright for me to enjoy it ALL! In fact, God delights in me enjoying myself. After listening to you talk, I wanted to buy your book thinking it might help. And I even felt free to buy the black copy of The Sexually Confident Wife – the one with sketches!

My husband said I was different when I walked in the door after the retreat.


I am FREE and I can’t explain it except that God has done something MARVELOUS! I came home and started reading the book out loud to my husband. I got online and ordered some “special aids” from the Christian website you recommended [www.covenantspice.com]. Thank you for that. WOW! They have really helped. We are having a summer of romance, for sure! Except for when he’s out of town, we have only missed one day of sex since the retreat! We’ve even done it 3 times in one day! I have even begun having orgasms again for the first time in 20 years, and I have high hopes for many more to come! (pardon the pun!)

I felt I wanted to write to you, Shannon, because I want women to know that it is never too late to more fully enjoy one’s mate! (even if she thinks she’s already enjoying him!) I’m also telling you these very private things about us because the devil really loves to lie to people my age that “some things are over” and I would like for older women to be encouraged otherwise.

I told my husband the other day that often I feel like I am this special child God loves. I was walking along minding my own business, showed up at the retreat expecting to be a blessing and to be blessed, but not even knowing the GREAT GIFT He was about to give me, or that I was even in need of anything, and HOW MUCH MORE FUN was ahead of me/us!! I love God. He is amazing and loves us SOOOOO much. I have been surprised by JOY and I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough.

I can’t thank you enough either, Shannon. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We believe you have a special anointing to talk about sexuality to all ages. God bless you for doing what He has gifted you to do. We are also reading Every Young Woman’s Battle because we’re sending copies to our granddaughters. I can’t wait to discuss the book with them when we’re together!

Rejoicing,

Helen

Isn't that great?!  Please subscribe to Shannon's weekly hot-tip for Sexually Confident Wives!

Motherhood Is A Calling

The article below blessed my socks off and challenged me at the same time!  One of my favorite lines is: Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Enjoy! 

Daja

Image from CafePress.com

Reposted from Desiring God Blog.

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”




She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”



Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.



A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.



Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.



If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?



It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.



Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.



Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.



Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.



Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.



The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.



The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?



It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.



Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.



Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”



Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.



Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.



Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months).

May 10: It's National Wear Your Apron Day!

I'm wearing my apron.

It's about more than keeping clean while cooking dinner.  It's a subtle celebration of womanhood. 

It's claiming (or reclaiming) a domain almost lost in our society.  This domain--home, we call it--has been surrendered piece by piece to fast food joints, social clubs, satellite TV, internet, smart phones, and a million little devices and appliances that claim to to make our lives easier.  And yet the hub of all life--the home, has been whittled away.  It's scarce these days for families to sit around a table eating a home cooked meal, having engaging conversation, and priceless bonding.  Table linens and the good china are brought out only on special occassions and sometimes not even then.  Where are the cosy little nooks where mother and child snuggle together with a good book?  Where are the lazy afternoons laying on the lawn together, looking at the clouds?  Where do the young people go when they need a good cry?  Do they bury their faces in Mama's apron and know somehow that everything will be OK?

I wear my apron with pride.  It's my way of saying it's OK--in fact, it's more than OK, it's great!--to be "just a housewife."  I get to wipe the tears and bind up broken hearts.  I get to make messes in the kitchen and clean them up.  I get to wipe up spills and sweep crumb-covered floors.  I get to clean up after some fantastic little people who are worthy of all my hard work.  They are princes and priests and I am sowing seeds into the harvest of their greatness.  I am blessed to be able to have a place that is mine--to express myself in all the details, all the nooks and crannies.  A vase of flowers here.  A piece of homemade art there. 

This apron is my uniform.  It says that I am on duty.

What other profession in the world allows one the freedom of full expression?  What other profession lets you change directions in the middle of a project?  Let's put away the math books and bake some cookies.  What other profession pays you in the early morning warmth of a cuddly child who smells so sweet?  Can anything be compared to a child reaching into your apron pocket looking for a toy, a piece of gum, or a sticker and then looking up to you with eyes that say, "Thanks Mom" even if his lips don't?

I am a woman. 

I am a housewife. 

I am a cultural revoluationary. 

I am ready and on duty. 

When I put on my apron I feel empowered. 

Not all superheroes wear capes.  Some wear aprons.

At Your Service!

I remember as a child when my mother went to a gas station, they would provide full service
with no extra charge. There was a gas station attendant that would fill the tank, check the oil, check tire pressure, and even clean your windshield for you. It seemed like the station attendant enjoyed his job, because it was service with a smile. Today it is all self service or if they do provide full service it will reflect in the price per gallon for gas. Where has that service with a smile gone in our marriages? (Galatians 5:13)- “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.” The Lord commands us to serve one another. He also tells us not to be selfish in our ways when it comes to serving. Jesus knew by nature we are selfish. That we would put our own needs and wants before others, our spouse, and children. The great thing is when we have a relationship with God; we learn to die to our selfish desires. It doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with our own selfishness. We do, everyday. It is a choice we make to put our spouse first. Everyday in marriage we have an opportunity to serve each other. I know I have blown it plenty of times to serve my wife. There have been times when I have walked by the kitchen sink and saw some dishes in it. At that moment I have a choice to serve my wife out of love or tell myself that I’m tired because I’ve been working hard so I decide to leave them for my wife to do. I got to admit that I have at times left the dishes in the sink, but the Lord has truly been giving me a heart of service. I truly want to serve my wife and children. I want to reveal who Christ is in my actions. I know my wife and I realize she doesn’t like dishes to pile up. A few dishes in the sink doesn’t bother me, but it’s not about me. I choose to do the dishes because it serves my wife. It is one of her love languages. When I help (serve) her around the house it tells her that I love her, that I care about her needs. Jesus not only taught about being a servant, He demonstrated it when he washed the disciple’s feet. How often do we humble ourselves to serve in a manner that we may even feel is below us? Do we let our pride get in the way? Husbands are head of household. Head is not defined as boss, but rather describes the husband as a servant provider who nourishes and cherishes his wife. (Ephesians 5:28-29)- “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” We need to start demonstrating servant hood in our homes. We must teach our children to serve others, because we live in a society where it is all about me. It is our responsibility to raise our children in the ways of the Lord. We are equals in marriage. We need to bring back the full service station mentality to our marriages. Service with a smile, a joy in our hearts. I know it can be difficult at times. That is why I have to ask God everyday to show me how to be the husband and father He has commanded me to be. I ask God to show me how to die to my selfish needs. We must learn to serve God, our wife and children, to serve our church, and to serve others. We have endless opportunities to serve each other everyday in marriage. It is usually the small things that we do consistently that mean the most. I love my wife and children. I made a vow, a covenant to serve and provide for them. I say I made a promise to God to love, nourish, cherish, and serve his daughter with all my heart, and all my effort as long as I live. That is a pretty big promise to make. But we all made that promise when we said I Do. So let’s start living out that promise we made to God and our spouse to serve with love. (Philippians)- “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Let’s learn to serve with a joy in our hearts. It is part of God’s original design for marriage. To love and serve each other. This allows us to reflect and reveal the image of God. We become oneflesh in relationship with our Father. Believe me, you will get back in return more than what you put in.

Mark and Raquel Soto