Mirror, Mirror

(Genesis 3:11-13) 11 And God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” 12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” 13 And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

When I read this verse, I see where shifting the blame originated from. God gave Adam a chance to confess, but instead he blames God for giving him Eve. Then Eve blames the serpent. We still do this everyday in our marriages. We tend to blame our spouse for our unhappiness. Or we tend to focus on our spouses shortcomings. How easy is it for us to not look at our own issues? It is always easier to focus on the other person, than on ourselves.

I have come to learn, when my wife is not happy, or she is frustrated, or she is short with me, I can usually start by looking at myself. I could very easily get frustrated, or get resentful when my wife is acting crazy. I have a choice, to dwell on her issues, or reflect on me. Every time I ask God to reveal to me on what’s going on, He will usually say, “Look in the mirror and start there.” I don’t really look in a mirror, but I know I need to look honestly, and humbly about my issues, or my lack as a husband and father.

When we allow God to start with us, we allow God to work on our spouse.

This can affect the greatest change in marriage. Remember, a problem (you) cannot fix a problem in your spouse. Imperfection does not fix imperfection. We must allow our perfect Creator to do the fixing. So it is time to grow up in our marriages, to take responsibility for our choices, and to stop blaming our spouse for our issues. It is time to look in the mirror, and start there if you want to start on a path of healing for your marriage.

Mark Soto