Marriage and Ministry

Do you believe the health of your marriage to be critical to the success of your ministry?

52% of people in ministry say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral ministry is hazardous to their family's well-being and health.

45% of people in ministry feel they do not have the necessary skills as a couple to make their marriage last.

42% of people in ministry say that their spouses complain about their work schedule at least once a month.

Those in ministry are as likely to have marriage end in divorce as general church members.

AND YET.....

93% of people in the ministry feel their marriage is seen as a role model.

[Taken from Strong Marriage/Successful Ministry, by Sharon Hargrave.]

Wake-up call?!

No one (NO ONE!!!) is exempt from the hard work of making a marriage work.  Even those matches we think are made in heaven have to be daily lived out here on earth!  We all need someone to come along side us and walk with us and encourage us as we relate to our spouses.  Even those in ministry have this need.

Some simple ideas to encourage and strengthen the marriages around you:

1. Pray for others' marriages.  The blessings will be multiplied back to you.

2. Be a non-judgmental listening ear.  Sometimes you just need someone to say, "Yeah, we've been there.  You're going to make it."

3. Send an encouraging note or card.

4. Volunteer to babysit your friends' or pastors' children for free so they can get a night out!

5.  Or give them the gift of a night in: a delicious take-out meal, movie, popcorn, bubbly, etc. to enjoy after the children go to bed.

6. Pool your resources with other friends or church members to give your leaders a weekend away at a bed-and-breakfast.

7. Remember others' anniversary with a card, gift or call.

8. Look for ways to celebrate marriage and commitment!

Go Out of Your Way

How often do you go out of your way for others? How many times do we avoid a situation where we might be made a little uncomfortable or we would have to rearrange our schedule? I was just reminded again today the importance of reaching out to others. It is amazing how many hurting people, hurting marriages, and hurting families are right in front of us. How many marriages are in a crisis that shows up to church every Sunday hoping for others to reach out. Hoping that someone will take the time to get to know them. We all have the ability to be a listening ear. We may not always have the answer, but we can encourage one another or we can point them in the right direction. I realize we all lead busy lives. But we all need an encouraging word to get us through our struggles at times. My wife and I meet with a lot of couples and they all say the same thing that they wish they had people in their lives that they can be transparent with. To call in a time of need or to just hang out with. As a community of believer’s, I feel we can do a better job of caring for each other. A better job of carrying each others burdens. A better job of loving each other. Not just on a Sunday at church, but on a Monday, on a Tuesday, on a Wednesday, on any day of the week. I know there were times where I was selfish and I put me first before others. And there are times when you have to draw boundaries. But when you go out of your way for others, it lifts up the body of Christ. It builds community amongst believers. It allows us to do life together, to share the good times and the bad times. So I encourage you to go out of your way for others. It is an amazing feeling when you love on others. Let’s get out of our comfort zone and make time in our busy schedule for others. Let’s do what Jesus commands us, to love and serve one another as He has loved and served us.

Mark Soto

Let It Rain

Just want to encourage you today. You may be going through a trial in your life. It could be small or it may be a major crisis. No matter what it is; Marriage problems, children, family, your job, or financial. I wanted to share a word God spoke to me today to encourage you. It was fitting, and God has perfect timing. I needed to hear it to encourage my wife and I.

The Lord says, “Let it rain upon the mountain. Let the river flow from the mountain of pain, of worry, of frustration, of fear. For God will do a good work in all these. For God will get the glory. For you shall shine on the hilltop. It will not be in vain. He has great plans, but you must grow through the struggle, you will come out the fire as a sword that is forged by fire. To battle for what belongs to Him.”

Mark Soto

Pool Party!

Summer Pool Party at Mark and Raquel's!

Too much fun!

Jeff and Tony

Kevin and Gana and a whole bunch of kids!

Mark and Jordan

Jordan, Kevin and Gana

The Daddies watched the kids in the pool and the Mommies relaxed in the shade!
Raquel, Teresa, Arlin, Minoska, Kristina, and Micha

Herman "supervising"

Daja

Intense conversation?



 After the sun set, Mark cranked up the Latin music and everyone just started dancing and/or kissing.

That's how we do it at Eden Rock!

Summer fun! 

Please join us at our next family adventure or date night!

Release Your Spouse

Have you released your spouse to God? You hear about releasing our problems, burdens, fears, and our children to God. To truly hand them over to Him. Well I ask, have you released your spouse to Him? Or are you still trying to be the Holy Spirit in their life? If I can be real, I will say we all have some habits that will irritate each other. We take each other in the hand of marriage for better or for worse. The in love experience will over look these issues until the in love experience fades away. This is when we need our Fathers love. But all to often we start to focus on our spouse’s issues and tend to forget our own. Romans 2:1- “Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.” So we tend to want to fix our spouses issues or shortcomings. We begin to get frustrated, angry, resentful, or feel unloved or disrespected when these changes don’t happen. Even after we have expressed our feelings with our spouse, or bought them the latest Christian book or video. Maybe even drag our spouse to next conference hoping this will be it. Expectations in our spouse will likely lead to disappointment.

But when we release our spouse to God. Start to focus on our own issues, pray for our spouse and allow God to be God in their life; He does amazing things in our marriages and families. It is not easy at times, because we want the quick fix. So we feel if we don’t have them read the latest marriage article, or the need to point out what they need to change it might not ever happen. But we live on God’s timing, not ours. I’m not saying not to try and be proactive in marriage. You do need to share and communicate with each other. But there is a way to communicate with each other how you feel. That is a whole topic in its self. Learn to allow God to work in our spouse. Learn to have that faith that can move mountains. Yes, it is easier said than done, but when we pray for our spouse and allow God to work on His time, you will see the changes in your spouse. When God reveals the areas in our life that we need to change, it will be life changing. But when we try to point out those areas that we feel our spouse needs to change, it becomes nagging. Over time nagging falls on deaf ears. So release your spouse to God. Allow Him to work in your marriage. Have faith that He can do the impossible. Because He can.

Mark Soto

From An Older Sexually Confident Wife!

Today when I read Shannon Ethridge's Hot Tip, I immediately thought, "I have to share this on the Eden Blog!"  I mean, if Eden isn't about a lifetime of love and intimacy, I don't know what is!  Read this, be inspired and spice things up--all the days of your life!

Helen writes:


Shannon, you spoke at our church this past year. I was one of the “older” gals in the crowd. My husband and I have been married almost 50 years, and we’re probably considered the poster children for the “happily married couple.” I wanted to share what happened to me at the retreat…

I prayed that Friday morning that the Lord would use me and that I would be open to anything He wanted to teach me, then I went off to the retreat.

And then you showed up…

If anyone had asked me, I would have said that my husband and I have a great sex life and have from the beginning of our marriage. I had orgasms easily from the first day of our marriage. We are fortunate in that we were both virgins and believers when we got married…

I thought our sex life was “normal” and better than a lot. Yes, my husband seemed to want it all the time and yes, I was worn out during the child-rearing season so we did have plenty of those “not tonight” discussions during those years. But I was always happy to “pay” him for help around the house with a “quickie” every so often.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

I keep asking myself that question. Something major – MAJOR happened. My menopause lasted many years, and I had several health issues and enough depression to warrant medication. Unfortunately a side effect of the medication was that I could no longer have an orgasm. Having never had that problem before, I begged God for the feeling to come back, to the point of tears, but eventually told God that I would be content with whatever I currently had or did not have. I stopped the anti-depressants after a few months, but the ability to climax never returned. My husband has also had some erectile dysfunction issues over the past decade, but we’ve operated under the premise that it’s always too soon to give up! This has resulted in greater intimacy. Even though all we had to offer each other sometimes was holding and kissing, we never gave up wanting all we could have with one another.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

Over 20 years ago my husband approached me about doing a little more experimenting. By that he meant he wanted to have oral sex. I was dead set against it. It just seemed wrong to me. I tried to explain that intimacy to me was face-to-face, mouth-to-mouth, etc. We tried it a few times but I hated it and finally asked him not to bring it up again. He graciously complied. I mention all of this for two reasons: (1) a person’s mental attitude is everything, and (2) as I have thought about this over the past few days, I believe my husband’s selflessness and not-insisting attitude communicated that he loved and respected me, and that however I felt about something was all right. He wanted to please me more than he wanted to please himself and have sex the way he wanted it. I believe his wonderful attitude contributed to the freedom that I experienced after your retreat…

SOMEHOW, BY GOD’S GRACE AND THE ANOINTING ON WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT, God did something amazing. I’m not sure what He did or if I even know which time you spoke or if it was an accumulation of what you said plus your book. But it was like I had a curtain over my mind and suddenly God pulled the curtain back and set me free to FULLY enjoy myself and, though I had heard and believed the saying that “nothing is wrong between you and your mate if it is all right with both of you,” somehow, I now had a new GREEN LIGHT that God made these parts of our bodies for our enjoyment. More to the point, it was alright for me to enjoy it ALL! In fact, God delights in me enjoying myself. After listening to you talk, I wanted to buy your book thinking it might help. And I even felt free to buy the black copy of The Sexually Confident Wife – the one with sketches!

My husband said I was different when I walked in the door after the retreat.


I am FREE and I can’t explain it except that God has done something MARVELOUS! I came home and started reading the book out loud to my husband. I got online and ordered some “special aids” from the Christian website you recommended [www.covenantspice.com]. Thank you for that. WOW! They have really helped. We are having a summer of romance, for sure! Except for when he’s out of town, we have only missed one day of sex since the retreat! We’ve even done it 3 times in one day! I have even begun having orgasms again for the first time in 20 years, and I have high hopes for many more to come! (pardon the pun!)

I felt I wanted to write to you, Shannon, because I want women to know that it is never too late to more fully enjoy one’s mate! (even if she thinks she’s already enjoying him!) I’m also telling you these very private things about us because the devil really loves to lie to people my age that “some things are over” and I would like for older women to be encouraged otherwise.

I told my husband the other day that often I feel like I am this special child God loves. I was walking along minding my own business, showed up at the retreat expecting to be a blessing and to be blessed, but not even knowing the GREAT GIFT He was about to give me, or that I was even in need of anything, and HOW MUCH MORE FUN was ahead of me/us!! I love God. He is amazing and loves us SOOOOO much. I have been surprised by JOY and I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough.

I can’t thank you enough either, Shannon. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We believe you have a special anointing to talk about sexuality to all ages. God bless you for doing what He has gifted you to do. We are also reading Every Young Woman’s Battle because we’re sending copies to our granddaughters. I can’t wait to discuss the book with them when we’re together!

Rejoicing,

Helen

Isn't that great?!  Please subscribe to Shannon's weekly hot-tip for Sexually Confident Wives!

Meeting Dr. James Dobson

Gana, Mark, Dr. Dobson and Jordan

Lake Avenue Church

Pasadena

What a special evening!  Dr. Dobson spoke about Bringing Up Girls.  As all three men above have daughters it was a really powerful meeting!