Hey Dad,
Other than being a little anxious about losing you in the INTERNET Neverland, things are going pretty good. Not at all like a couple of weeks ago.
Maybe it was because we were in the transition zone...caught between summer and school, but the kids were terrible. They were constantly bickering, fighting, and thinking of numero UNO. I know my wife was frazzled, worn out, and wondering when I was going to officially deal with it. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have a pretty high terrible-kid-tolerance. But enough was enough. Even I was tired of the turmoil.
"Everyone upstairs to the yellow room,” I barked. “We're having a family meeting, and I don't want to hear one complaint.” Normally we meet in the familyroom, but I wanted a change in venue to highlight the seriousness of THIS meeting.
"OK," I began, "this has gone on long enough...things need to change." Then for the next thirty minutes I talked, they talked, I threatened, I talked some more...I asked forgiveness...I talked more, they offered suggestions, and then we closed in prayer.
Later, as we were going through the Wilson bedtime ritual, my son Ike (11) smiled warmly and said to me, "It's weird, Dad, but it felt really good during the family meeting."
That is so funny to me. I mean we've done all kinds of fun family things like going to the beach, eating at Chuck E Cheese’s, traveling across the country...but Ike never EVER said any of it "felt really good." His comment made me wonder if hashing things through as a family "feels" closer and warmer than doing fun things as a family. There must be something comforting and reassuring to know that no matter what---we're a family. We may blow it often, but we still regroup, ask forgiveness, and work together for the common good.
So I was going to encourage you to do something fun as a family this week, but instead let me encourage you to have a family meeting. Ask how things are going; talk about issues that need to be addressed. And whether they verbalize it or not...it will FEEL good. In fact, maybe ‘hashing’ is the best part of family. Go figure.
See you on the other side of the email veil.
You ‘da dad!!!
Todd Wilson- Familyman Ministrieswww.familymanweb.com
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Bumber Sticker Dad
Hey Dad,
Just got back from speaking at a Labor Day Family Camp in Lake Geneva, WI. It’s always encouraging to be around a bunch of parents who are in the same boat as we are (it’s a really BIG boat). Lake Geneva Youth Camp is a great facility. The food was stellar, the people wonderful, the grounds beautiful, and The Screamer…well, it made you scream (see photo below).
The only drawback was that we had to brave Chicago traffic. Not only was it congested and slow, but it also seemed as if every road we turned on was under construction.
While we were creeping through Chicago, a bumper sticker not only caught my eye, but also struck a nerve in the deep dad-recesses of my mind. The bumper sticker was just three words on a plain background, but it spoke volumes.
DEER HUNTER'S WIDOW
At first I wasn’t quite sure what it meant, but then I realized that a longer version might read, “My husband is gone so much during deer hunting season that it feels like I’m all alone in our marriage.”
I’m sure the person bought or received it as a joke, but I felt myself getting mad as I stared at the tail end of that car. In fact, I had half a mind to follow the car to its home and chew out the guy for abandoning his family in favor of sitting out in the woods with a bunch of buddies to plug some animal.
As the car pulled away, I began thinking of similar bumper stickers that might have a market.
Golfer’s Widow
Businessman’s Widow
Pastor’s Widow
Football Fan’s Widow
Internet User’s Widow
TV Watcher’s Widow
Traveling Salesman’s Widow
Truth is, many wives feel alone in their marriages, their families, and their lives. They got married thinking they were going to travel life’s highway together hand in hand with their men and what they got were men who were so busy doing their lives that they didn’t have much time for them. It might be one of the reasons why Facebook is so popular among the female folk. We’ve let them down.
Truth is: deer hunting is fun. Golfing and watching football are too. Ministry, business, and our jobs are important. But none of it matters as much as the promise we made to our wives to love, honor, and cherish them.
So let me ask you a question: What kind of bumper sticker would be on your wife’s car?
MY HUSBAND LOVES ME!
You ‘da dad!!!
www.familymanweb.com
Just got back from speaking at a Labor Day Family Camp in Lake Geneva, WI. It’s always encouraging to be around a bunch of parents who are in the same boat as we are (it’s a really BIG boat). Lake Geneva Youth Camp is a great facility. The food was stellar, the people wonderful, the grounds beautiful, and The Screamer…well, it made you scream (see photo below).
The only drawback was that we had to brave Chicago traffic. Not only was it congested and slow, but it also seemed as if every road we turned on was under construction.
While we were creeping through Chicago, a bumper sticker not only caught my eye, but also struck a nerve in the deep dad-recesses of my mind. The bumper sticker was just three words on a plain background, but it spoke volumes.
DEER HUNTER'S WIDOW
At first I wasn’t quite sure what it meant, but then I realized that a longer version might read, “My husband is gone so much during deer hunting season that it feels like I’m all alone in our marriage.”
I’m sure the person bought or received it as a joke, but I felt myself getting mad as I stared at the tail end of that car. In fact, I had half a mind to follow the car to its home and chew out the guy for abandoning his family in favor of sitting out in the woods with a bunch of buddies to plug some animal.
As the car pulled away, I began thinking of similar bumper stickers that might have a market.
Golfer’s Widow
Businessman’s Widow
Pastor’s Widow
Football Fan’s Widow
Internet User’s Widow
TV Watcher’s Widow
Traveling Salesman’s Widow
Truth is, many wives feel alone in their marriages, their families, and their lives. They got married thinking they were going to travel life’s highway together hand in hand with their men and what they got were men who were so busy doing their lives that they didn’t have much time for them. It might be one of the reasons why Facebook is so popular among the female folk. We’ve let them down.
Truth is: deer hunting is fun. Golfing and watching football are too. Ministry, business, and our jobs are important. But none of it matters as much as the promise we made to our wives to love, honor, and cherish them.
So let me ask you a question: What kind of bumper sticker would be on your wife’s car?
MY HUSBAND LOVES ME!
You ‘da dad!!!
www.familymanweb.com
Friday, September 3, 2010
Grace for Fugitives
God’s grace is more expansive than our sin. The whole story of Jonah is God going after depraved, fallen fugitives.
We basically understand why God pursues Jonah, since he was a prophet and a part of God’s people Israel, and he cared about God, at some level anyway. Jonah’s prayer revealed that he was basically a friend of God, not an enemy.
Yet God also goes after Nineveh. Jonah was pathetic in many ways, but Nineveh was violently wicked, perverse and sadistic. It makes me wonder why God didn’t just do away with the whole nasty place. That would have spared God so much effort.
But the good news is that God’s ability to clean things up is infinitely greater than our ability to mess things up. God’s grace is so massive, so expansive, so wide-ranging, that it tracks down both kinds of runners from God. Those who try to rescue themselves by breaking the rules, and those who try keeping them.
There’s no place where you might be now, or where you might have been in the past, or where you might go in the future, that will ever be beyond the reach of God’s grace, nowhere!
Tullian Tchividjian in Surprised by Grace
Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Thought to Apply:
Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it. It means that while we were sinners and enemies we have been treated as sons and heirs.
We basically understand why God pursues Jonah, since he was a prophet and a part of God’s people Israel, and he cared about God, at some level anyway. Jonah’s prayer revealed that he was basically a friend of God, not an enemy.
Yet God also goes after Nineveh. Jonah was pathetic in many ways, but Nineveh was violently wicked, perverse and sadistic. It makes me wonder why God didn’t just do away with the whole nasty place. That would have spared God so much effort.
But the good news is that God’s ability to clean things up is infinitely greater than our ability to mess things up. God’s grace is so massive, so expansive, so wide-ranging, that it tracks down both kinds of runners from God. Those who try to rescue themselves by breaking the rules, and those who try keeping them.
There’s no place where you might be now, or where you might have been in the past, or where you might go in the future, that will ever be beyond the reach of God’s grace, nowhere!
Tullian Tchividjian in Surprised by Grace
Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Thought to Apply:
Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it. It means that while we were sinners and enemies we have been treated as sons and heirs.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
"Love is....
....born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation!"
~Jose Marti y Perez (1853 - 1895)
~Jose Marti y Perez (1853 - 1895)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Keeping the Marriage Bed Pure by Resolving Conflict
Resolving conflict healthily honors marriage and keeps the marriage bed pure. Praying with your spouse leads to emotional safety, which encourages sexual intimacy.
Hey married folks. How's your sex life? Satisfied? Is it all you dreamed about in the early weeks and months of being married?
If not, I wonder what happened to that early sense of love? Where did it escape to? And how did it get there so fast? We seem to dirty the slate so fast in marriage. Resentments set in when we argue and leave the making up until it's too late. All too often, we forget to go back to our spouse and resolve – and I mean really take care of – the relational junk that bogs us down. Resentments build up like a pile of bones in a closet we didn't know came with the wedding ring.
What if we took care of the conflicts that so easily get in the way? What if we consistently worked to handle conflict in a God-honoring, spouse-edifying manner? I'm guessing many marriages would be completely different.
We're told in Hebrews 13:4 to honor marriage and to keep the marriage bed pure. I wonder if taking care of conflict is part of what "keeping the marriage bed pure" is all about. I used to think this Scripture was only about sexual impurity and sex outside of marriage (which are obviously part of the author's intent). But what if we keep the marriage bed pure by taking care of resentment and by resolving conflict through loving and honest communication?
True sexual intimacy doesn't happen in a vacuum, and I guarantee it doesn't happen in a home filled with perpetual unresolved conflict. I can't truly give myself to my spouse, and she can't fully give herself to me, when we harbor resentment in our hearts. It doesn't matter if we're full of unforgiveness due to a real or perceived relationship misfire. The resentment that builds up from not dealing with conflict is just incompatible with true intimacy in marriage.
I've heard it said that sex in marriage is like air. You never know how important it is until you don't have it anymore. If you've been married very long, you can probably relate to this statement.
When my wife and I are consistently taking care of conflict as it arises, and we're promoting emotional safety for each other in our marriage, our sexual intimacy is consistently nurtured.
When we're in an extended time of unresolved conflict, or we choose to avoid issues, or not to fight or to play the passive-aggressive game, sex suddenly becomes a huge issue. During these times, we tend to fight over not enough frequency or being unsatisfied with our level of sexual intimacy. When we're verbally fighting, we seem to find any "reason" to be sexually discontent.
Resolve the conflict, however, and issues of sexual discontent go away like warm breath on a cold day. Practicing good communication skills is always a good foundation for taking care of conflict, but it's not necessarily the only thing we should be doing.
My wife and I have found that praying together is one of the best ways to build intimacy. Praying for your spouse and praying with your spouse are two different deals entirely. It's easy to pray for my wife. Praying with her, though, takes our level of intimacy to a deeper level. When I expose my weaknesses and fears to God in prayer with my wife, we find we're both once again grounding ourselves in God's relational Truths.
I hope I'm not misconstruing this area. Men, hear me on this – resolving conflict in your marriage does not equal more sex (my apologies to men everywhere). Resolving conflict, fighting fair and honoring God in how you communicate with your spouse does, however, provide emotional safety in your marriage.
Correctly taking of conflict honors your marriage commitment. It honors your spouse, and it honors God. Making your relationship a place of emotional safety keeps the marriage bed pure.
Copyright © 2008, Matthew D. Turvey
Hey married folks. How's your sex life? Satisfied? Is it all you dreamed about in the early weeks and months of being married?
If not, I wonder what happened to that early sense of love? Where did it escape to? And how did it get there so fast? We seem to dirty the slate so fast in marriage. Resentments set in when we argue and leave the making up until it's too late. All too often, we forget to go back to our spouse and resolve – and I mean really take care of – the relational junk that bogs us down. Resentments build up like a pile of bones in a closet we didn't know came with the wedding ring.
What if we took care of the conflicts that so easily get in the way? What if we consistently worked to handle conflict in a God-honoring, spouse-edifying manner? I'm guessing many marriages would be completely different.
We're told in Hebrews 13:4 to honor marriage and to keep the marriage bed pure. I wonder if taking care of conflict is part of what "keeping the marriage bed pure" is all about. I used to think this Scripture was only about sexual impurity and sex outside of marriage (which are obviously part of the author's intent). But what if we keep the marriage bed pure by taking care of resentment and by resolving conflict through loving and honest communication?
True sexual intimacy doesn't happen in a vacuum, and I guarantee it doesn't happen in a home filled with perpetual unresolved conflict. I can't truly give myself to my spouse, and she can't fully give herself to me, when we harbor resentment in our hearts. It doesn't matter if we're full of unforgiveness due to a real or perceived relationship misfire. The resentment that builds up from not dealing with conflict is just incompatible with true intimacy in marriage.
I've heard it said that sex in marriage is like air. You never know how important it is until you don't have it anymore. If you've been married very long, you can probably relate to this statement.
When my wife and I are consistently taking care of conflict as it arises, and we're promoting emotional safety for each other in our marriage, our sexual intimacy is consistently nurtured.
When we're in an extended time of unresolved conflict, or we choose to avoid issues, or not to fight or to play the passive-aggressive game, sex suddenly becomes a huge issue. During these times, we tend to fight over not enough frequency or being unsatisfied with our level of sexual intimacy. When we're verbally fighting, we seem to find any "reason" to be sexually discontent.
Resolve the conflict, however, and issues of sexual discontent go away like warm breath on a cold day. Practicing good communication skills is always a good foundation for taking care of conflict, but it's not necessarily the only thing we should be doing.
My wife and I have found that praying together is one of the best ways to build intimacy. Praying for your spouse and praying with your spouse are two different deals entirely. It's easy to pray for my wife. Praying with her, though, takes our level of intimacy to a deeper level. When I expose my weaknesses and fears to God in prayer with my wife, we find we're both once again grounding ourselves in God's relational Truths.
I hope I'm not misconstruing this area. Men, hear me on this – resolving conflict in your marriage does not equal more sex (my apologies to men everywhere). Resolving conflict, fighting fair and honoring God in how you communicate with your spouse does, however, provide emotional safety in your marriage.
Correctly taking of conflict honors your marriage commitment. It honors your spouse, and it honors God. Making your relationship a place of emotional safety keeps the marriage bed pure.
Copyright © 2008, Matthew D. Turvey
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