Eden

Choosing Courage

2011-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

By Roland C. Warren, President, National Fatherhood Initiative

Good films not only entertain, they speak powerfully into deeply personal issues or important social problems. Great films speak to both. On that measure, Courageous is a great film.

Courageous, the new film from the makers of Facing the Giants and Fireproof, draws you in with action and humor, but then, like Field of Dreams, causes men reflect on their relationships with their dads and their own children. It is one of the most emotionally powerful films I have seen in along time; it hits very close to home for dads like me who grew up without their fathers.

It also intelligently tackles the social crisis of our time--the widespread absence of fathers from the lives of our nation's children. Twenty-four million children--one out of every three nationally and two of three in the African American community--live in homes absent their biological fathers.

How does one film accomplish all of this? The answer is in the title. Not only does the film rest on the theme of "courage" in portraying the value and heart of fatherhood, but the film itself is also courageous in its handling of the father absence crisis we face today.

When I first heard about this movie more than a year ago, I thought that the title was strange. You don't normally hear this word used in reference to fatherhood. Frankly, you're more likely to hear it exclaimed by a sportscaster hailing a football star who plays through an injury. Or when a celebrity poker player goes "all in," despite having a poor hand.

Playing through an injury and making a well-timed bluff are noteworthy, but courageous? Hardly. Courageous the movie, on the other hand, frames the hard, self-sacrificing work of fatherhood around the idea that being a "good enough" father just isn't enough; we should strive to be great fathers, the kind children need and mothers long for.

This film has the potential to make millions of men realize just how critical they are to their children and challenges them to question themselves and their priorities. In fact, the film makes it clear that great fatherhood is really a choice between comfort and courage, which I have come to believe are opposites.

Consider this real-life example.

Some months ago, I heard a news report about a father's harrowing experience in Sierra Leone during the time when the brutal rebel leader, Charles Taylor, was terrorizing that small nation. One day, a gang of Taylor's thugs entered his community looking for men and boys that they could mutilate by cutting off their limbs. When they approached this father, they told him that they were going to cut off his arm and his son's arm. They wanted two arms and they were not going to be denied.

They weren't; the father offered both of his arms to spare his son. He chose courage over comfort.

While no one is threatened like this in Courageous, the characters face difficult challenges at home and at work. While the film grapples effectively with these deeply personal issues, it is also takes a broad view of how father absence affects entire communities, and thus the country.

Courageous asserts the uncompromising view that when dads disconnect from children, the results for the community are gangs, broken children, violence, drug dealing, lack of respect for authority, and a variety of other negative consequences.

Conversely, the film suggests that when fathers are connected to family, most of the serious problems we face can be eliminated. Few films have had the courage to place these ideas front and center in the story.

At a time when we face record levels of father absence and out-of-wedlock childbirths, cultural indifference to the idea that marriage and fatherhood should be linked, and the attitude that fathers are not important cogs in the family -- National Fatherhood Initiative's national survey of moms and dads found that 6 in 10 parents believe dads can be easily replaced -- Courageous cannot come at a better time.

For taking on this cultural indifference and not being afraid to challenge millions of men, Courageous truly is one courageous movie

Endurance

2011-10-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 12:2- looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

If parenting is about imitating the Perfect Parent, we should be comforted in knowing God patiently endured as His Son was subjected to unimaginable hardship (curses, rejection, beatings, and death) on our behalf. There will be times when you will be forced to endure sleepless nights, frustration, anger, shame, and the scorn of others in your parenting journey as well.

In the middle of suffering, fix your eyes on Jesus. Recognize that as much as we try to avoid pain, it can be a pathway to wisdom and greater dependence on God. The love you express to your kids during times of struggle can draw them to a much greater love – the love of our Heavenly Father and the sacrifice he made through His Son’s life and death.

When you endure parenting hardships and struggles with patience, you reflect God’s love in a powerful, compelling way.

Taken from Parenting Daily Devotional

Don't Understand? Trust God

2011-09-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

You may be facing a dead end right now- financial, emotional, relational – but if you will trust God and keep on moving in faith, even when you don’t see a way, He will make a way.

It will become more understandable as you head down the path He sets before you, but understanding is not a requirement for you to start down the path. Proverbs 4:18 says, “The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shinning brighter till the full light of day.” (NIV) One day you will stand in the full light of eternity and view the big picture. You’ll see God’s purpose behind the path He specifically chose for you.

In the meantime, do what Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Be patient. God knows what He’s doing. God knows what is best for you. He can see the end result. You can’t. All those problems, heartaches, difficulties and delays—all the things that make you ask “why”—one day it will all be clear in the light of God’s love.

Taken from Rick Warren’s Daily Devotional

Roof Top Faith

2011-09-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

The other day I was listening to New Life Live on the radio with Dr. John Townsend, Steve Arterburn, and Milan Yerkovich. A woman was talking about some trials that she was facing in her life. One of the radio counselors spoke about surrounding her self with some friends that have roof top faith. The radio host spoke on Mark 2. Where they talk about four men who carried a paralytic man to a house where Jesus was preaching. When they arrived it was over crowded by people who gathered to hear Jesus speak. They took the paralytic man onto the roof, tore open a section of the roof and lowered the paralytic man down to where Jesus was. It says in Mark 2:5- When Jesus saw their faith; He said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven you.”

Jesus just didn’t say he was forgiven, but he mentions the faith of the four men. It says when Jesus saw the faith of the four men the paralytic man was healed. Not saying the paralytic man didn’t have faith that Jesus could heal him. I really don’t know, but it was the faith of the other’s. They could have very easily looked at the crowd and got discouraged. They could have said we can do it another day or chalk it up as a nice try or said it wasn’t meant to be.

They also could have told the paralytic man that they were just too busy to help. But they didn’t, they not only carried the man, but the large crowd of people didn’t discourage them. They went to the roof, tore it open and lowered him.

We all know people in our lives, in our church, in our families that are facing trials in their lives right now. Some minor, some major. We all know marriages that are ending in divorce or considering divorce as I write this. And we all know that in those situations there can be one or both of the spouses who have no hope or a lack of faith that God can breath new life into their marriages or into their circumstances. There are times when we all need roof top friends that have faith for them that God is the God of the impossible. Even though we know the word that God promises to never leave us or forsake us. There are times where our circumstances can over whelm us to the point where we can lose faith. I know I have been there in my own life and in my marriage. As hopeless as I was, God restored my marriage.

Don’t think that you have to have everything in your life in order. God can use you in the midst of your own circumstances. You need to just have the faith like the four men who lowered the paralytic man. Our faith in God, believing that He can change someone else’s situation can bring healing to that person, to that marriage, or to their circumstance. It also increases our faith as we allow God to work in us and through us. Through that increased faith we become a testimony that reveals the glory of God.

Who in your life do you know who needs you to be a roof top friend? 1 Corinthians 12:26- “And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.” I have spoken on it before, that we need to go out of our way for others. We need to show the love of Christ. 1 John 3:16- “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

I have seen God come through time and time again in someone else’s life when they have friends who walk with them and encourage them in the lowest points of their lives. We all need real friends who have roof top faith; a faith that they know God will change situations or circumstances. No matter how big the circumstance may look.

Mark & Raquel Soto

Plan to Stay in LOVE!

2011-09-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

by Andy Stanley

Falling in love is easy.

It involves butterflies and long walks on moonlit beaches. You hear wedding bells, see fireworks and fall into something that feels perfect.

Staying in love, however, is not so easy.

Once the initial shine of new love has worn off, obstacles and hurdles appear seemingly out of nowhere. There are warts; there are regrets — there is baggage.

Sometimes, staying in love feels impossible.

Though divorce statistics jump all over the place, there is little denying that we are a culture prone to giving up on love. We are a culture that believes when the going gets tough, the tough just go. We run from the pain and challenges in our relationships and wonder how we could ever feel so far from someone we once felt so close to.

But what if staying in love is possible? What if working hard, instead of giving up, is the key to passionate, long-lasting, true love? What if real relationship starts when we get real about staying in love?

We've all wondered what it's like to be truly treasured by someone. To be needed and missed and loved. Not just for a long weekend or even a decade, but for 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, and more.

I believe it is possible to experience a love that goes the distance. It's a gift God longs to give us, and there are four things we can do to accept that gift:

Make love a verb.

For many of us, the concept of love is difficult because we never learned the right form of love. We focus on the external qualities of love and ignore the internal. We treat love like a noun. It's an experience that happened. A moment. A thing.

But in John 13:34, we see a different side of love. John says, simply and honestly, "Love one another." It is not a one-time event. It is not a fireworks feeling or a field of flowers. It's an action. A verb. It's not just about choosing the right person; it's about becoming the right person, the type of person who loves the way Christ loved us.

Put your spouse first.

For years, I waged steady opposition to my wife's plan to add a garden to our yard. I reasoned that when you consider all the time and money invested in a garden, you're no better off than if you'd bought your veggies at the grocery store. Besides, the crop I care about (coffee beans) grows on trees, not in gardens.

For a long time, I had a good case going ... until I read Philippians 2:3 again: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." I wish that were a complicated verse with multiple Hebrew variations. But it's pretty simple: Value others (in this case, your spouse) above yourself.

Don't try to prove you're smarter or better at the family budget. Plant your wife a garden. In order to stay in love, we need to change our approach to determining what is valuable. We have to demonstrate an interest in things because they are interesting to the people we are interested in. By doing this, we learn to put our spouse first.

(Watch Andy Stanley talk more about putting your spouse first in a video clip from his Staying in Love DVD.)

Pay attention to your heart.

Imagine you are a mug with thousands of tiny beads inside. Each bead represents a negative feeling or painful experience or unfulfilled expectation. You are careful to keep them inside. Then you meet someone and think she just might be the future Mrs. Mug. So, you are gentle and thoughtful around her. You make certain that as few beads as possible spill out on the road to the altar.

But a month or a year later, suddenly there's an issue: She gets upset for no apparent reason; or you don't call, though you said you would; or she feels ignored. Your mugs bump into each other, jostling your beads. Jealousy spills out. Anger overflows. All the stuff that was hidden during the courtship is on display.

This is the type of situation the Bible anticipates when it implores us to guard our hearts. When your emotional "beads" get bumped, stop and think about what you are feeling before you speak. Name what you are feeling with specific words: "I feel jealous" or "I feel angry." When you name your feelings, they lose their power. If appropriate, tell your spouse what's going on in your heart. Healthy people stop doing hurtful things when they learn what the issues are. And they stay in love by paying attention to their hearts.

Fill the gaps.

In every relationship, there are gaps between what is expected and what actually happens. We have fairytale views of how marriage will be, and they fail to materialize. We have expectations of how a spouse should act at a dinner party, and that doesn't go as planned. We have ideas about when our partner should come home at night, and the reality is different. Gaps open up all around us.

When that happens, we have two choices: We can believe the best, trusting that there is a reasonable explanation for our spouse's behavior. Or we can assume the worst, reading disrespect, hurt and a thousand other things into those situations.

Into those gaps, 1 Corinthians 13 walks boldly. Long used in weddings, these popular verses describe the nature of love. Beyond the verses about love's patience and kindness, we find a plea for the gaps. We find help for the holes. Verse 7 says love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

In a marriage, that means when you have a chance to doubt or trust, you trust. When you have a chance to give up or hope, you hope. When you have a chance to quit or persevere, you persevere.

One of the most powerful ways to fill the gaps is to believe the best about your spouse. Such an attitude communicates, "I trust you. Even before I hear your explanation, I trust you."

It is possible to stay in love, but it does take more than fireworks and moonlit beaches. Falling in love only requires a pulse. Staying in love? That requires a plan.

Watch Andy Stanley talk about putting your spouse first in a video clip from his Staying in Love DVD.

Andy Stanley is a pastor, author and founder of North Point Ministries.

All of you....forever! Marriage.

2011-09-09T09:43:00.001-07:00

The Nails

2011-09-05T17:04:00.001-07:00

Posted: 05 Sep 2011 05:01 AM PDT

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there.

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friends, let us all be wise and careful about the words that we share.

Marriage and Ministry

2011-08-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

Do you believe the health of your marriage to be critical to the success of your ministry?

52% of people in ministry say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral ministry is hazardous to their family's well-being and health.

45% of people in ministry feel they do not have the necessary skills as a couple to make their marriage last.

42% of people in ministry say that their spouses complain about their work schedule at least once a month.

Those in ministry are as likely to have marriage end in divorce as general church members.

AND YET.....

93% of people in the ministry feel their marriage is seen as a role model.

[Taken from Strong Marriage/Successful Ministry, by Sharon Hargrave.]

Wake-up call?!

No one (NO ONE!!!) is exempt from the hard work of making a marriage work. Even those matches we think are made in heaven have to be daily lived out here on earth! We all need someone to come along side us and walk with us and encourage us as we relate to our spouses. Even those in ministry have this need.

Some simple ideas to encourage and strengthen the marriages around you:

1. Pray for others' marriages. The blessings will be multiplied back to you.

2. Be a non-judgmental listening ear. Sometimes you just need someone to say, "Yeah, we've been there. You're going to make it."

3. Send an encouraging note or card.

4. Volunteer to babysit your friends' or pastors' children for free so they can get a night out!

5. Or give them the gift of a night in: a delicious take-out meal, movie, popcorn, bubbly, etc. to enjoy after the children go to bed.

6. Pool your resources with other friends or church members to give your leaders a weekend away at a bed-and-breakfast.

7. Remember others' anniversary with a card, gift or call.

8. Look for ways to celebrate marriage and commitment!

Go Out of Your Way

2011-08-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

How often do you go out of your way for others? How many times do we avoid a situation where we might be made a little uncomfortable or we would have to rearrange our schedule? I was just reminded again today the importance of reaching out to others. It is amazing how many hurting people, hurting marriages, and hurting families are right in front of us. How many marriages are in a crisis that shows up to church every Sunday hoping for others to reach out. Hoping that someone will take the time to get to know them. We all have the ability to be a listening ear. We may not always have the answer, but we can encourage one another or we can point them in the right direction. I realize we all lead busy lives. But we all need an encouraging word to get us through our struggles at times. My wife and I meet with a lot of couples and they all say the same thing that they wish they had people in their lives that they can be transparent with. To call in a time of need or to just hang out with. As a community of believer’s, I feel we can do a better job of caring for each other. A better job of carrying each others burdens. A better job of loving each other. Not just on a Sunday at church, but on a Monday, on a Tuesday, on a Wednesday, on any day of the week. I know there were times where I was selfish and I put me first before others. And there are times when you have to draw boundaries. But when you go out of your way for others, it lifts up the body of Christ. It builds community amongst believers. It allows us to do life together, to share the good times and the bad times. So I encourage you to go out of your way for others. It is an amazing feeling when you love on others. Let’s get out of our comfort zone and make time in our busy schedule for others. Let’s do what Jesus commands us, to love and serve one another as He has loved and served us.

Mark Soto

Let It Rain

2011-07-31T22:18:00.000-07:00

Just want to encourage you today. You may be going through a trial in your life. It could be small or it may be a major crisis. No matter what it is; Marriage problems, children, family, your job, or financial. I wanted to share a word God spoke to me today to encourage you. It was fitting, and God has perfect timing. I needed to hear it to encourage my wife and I.

The Lord says, “Let it rain upon the mountain. Let the river flow from the mountain of pain, of worry, of frustration, of fear. For God will do a good work in all these. For God will get the glory. For you shall shine on the hilltop. It will not be in vain. He has great plans, but you must grow through the struggle, you will come out the fire as a sword that is forged by fire. To battle for what belongs to Him.”

Mark Soto

Pool Party!

2011-07-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

Summer Pool Party at Mark and Raquel's!

Too much fun!

Jeff and Tony

Kevin and Gana and a whole bunch of kids!

Mark and Jordan

Jordan, Kevin and Gana

The Daddies watched the kids in the pool and the Mommies relaxed in the shade!
Raquel, Teresa, Arlin, Minoska, Kristina, and Micha

Herman "supervising"

Daja

Intense conversation?

After the sun set, Mark cranked up the Latin music and everyone just started dancing and/or kissing.

That's how we do it at Eden Rock!

Summer fun!

Please join us at our next family adventure or date night!

Release Your Spouse

2011-07-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Have you released your spouse to God? You hear about releasing our problems, burdens, fears, and our children to God. To truly hand them over to Him. Well I ask, have you released your spouse to Him? Or are you still trying to be the Holy Spirit in their life? If I can be real, I will say we all have some habits that will irritate each other. We take each other in the hand of marriage for better or for worse. The in love experience will over look these issues until the in love experience fades away. This is when we need our Fathers love. But all to often we start to focus on our spouse’s issues and tend to forget our own. Romans 2:1- “Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.” So we tend to want to fix our spouses issues or shortcomings. We begin to get frustrated, angry, resentful, or feel unloved or disrespected when these changes don’t happen. Even after we have expressed our feelings with our spouse, or bought them the latest Christian book or video. Maybe even drag our spouse to next conference hoping this will be it. Expectations in our spouse will likely lead to disappointment.

But when we release our spouse to God. Start to focus on our own issues, pray for our spouse and allow God to be God in their life; He does amazing things in our marriages and families. It is not easy at times, because we want the quick fix. So we feel if we don’t have them read the latest marriage article, or the need to point out what they need to change it might not ever happen. But we live on God’s timing, not ours. I’m not saying not to try and be proactive in marriage. You do need to share and communicate with each other. But there is a way to communicate with each other how you feel. That is a whole topic in its self. Learn to allow God to work in our spouse. Learn to have that faith that can move mountains. Yes, it is easier said than done, but when we pray for our spouse and allow God to work on His time, you will see the changes in your spouse. When God reveals the areas in our life that we need to change, it will be life changing. But when we try to point out those areas that we feel our spouse needs to change, it becomes nagging. Over time nagging falls on deaf ears. So release your spouse to God. Allow Him to work in your marriage. Have faith that He can do the impossible. Because He can.

Mark Soto

From An Older Sexually Confident Wife!

2011-07-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today when I read Shannon Ethridge's Hot Tip, I immediately thought, "I have to share this on the Eden Blog!" I mean, if Eden isn't about a lifetime of love and intimacy, I don't know what is! Read this, be inspired and spice things up--all the days of your life!

Helen writes:

Shannon, you spoke at our church this past year. I was one of the “older” gals in the crowd. My husband and I have been married almost 50 years, and we’re probably considered the poster children for the “happily married couple.” I wanted to share what happened to me at the retreat…

I prayed that Friday morning that the Lord would use me and that I would be open to anything He wanted to teach me, then I went off to the retreat.

And then you showed up…

If anyone had asked me, I would have said that my husband and I have a great sex life and have from the beginning of our marriage. I had orgasms easily from the first day of our marriage. We are fortunate in that we were both virgins and believers when we got married…

I thought our sex life was “normal” and better than a lot. Yes, my husband seemed to want it all the time and yes, I was worn out during the child-rearing season so we did have plenty of those “not tonight” discussions during those years. But I was always happy to “pay” him for help around the house with a “quickie” every so often.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

I keep asking myself that question. Something major – MAJOR happened. My menopause lasted many years, and I had several health issues and enough depression to warrant medication. Unfortunately a side effect of the medication was that I could no longer have an orgasm. Having never had that problem before, I begged God for the feeling to come back, to the point of tears, but eventually told God that I would be content with whatever I currently had or did not have. I stopped the anti-depressants after a few months, but the ability to climax never returned. My husband has also had some erectile dysfunction issues over the past decade, but we’ve operated under the premise that it’s always too soon to give up! This has resulted in greater intimacy. Even though all we had to offer each other sometimes was holding and kissing, we never gave up wanting all we could have with one another.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?

Over 20 years ago my husband approached me about doing a little more experimenting. By that he meant he wanted to have oral sex. I was dead set against it. It just seemed wrong to me. I tried to explain that intimacy to me was face-to-face, mouth-to-mouth, etc. We tried it a few times but I hated it and finally asked him not to bring it up again. He graciously complied. I mention all of this for two reasons: (1) a person’s mental attitude is everything, and (2) as I have thought about this over the past few days, I believe my husband’s selflessness and not-insisting attitude communicated that he loved and respected me, and that however I felt about something was all right. He wanted to please me more than he wanted to please himself and have sex the way he wanted it. I believe his wonderful attitude contributed to the freedom that I experienced after your retreat…

SOMEHOW, BY GOD’S GRACE AND THE ANOINTING ON WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT, God did something amazing. I’m not sure what He did or if I even know which time you spoke or if it was an accumulation of what you said plus your book. But it was like I had a curtain over my mind and suddenly God pulled the curtain back and set me free to FULLY enjoy myself and, though I had heard and believed the saying that “nothing is wrong between you and your mate if it is all right with both of you,” somehow, I now had a new GREEN LIGHT that God made these parts of our bodies for our enjoyment. More to the point, it was alright for me to enjoy it ALL! In fact, God delights in me enjoying myself. After listening to you talk, I wanted to buy your book thinking it might help. And I even felt free to buy the black copy of The Sexually Confident Wife – the one with sketches!

My husband said I was different when I walked in the door after the retreat.

I am FREE and I can’t explain it except that God has done something MARVELOUS! I came home and started reading the book out loud to my husband. I got online and ordered some “special aids” from the Christian website you recommended [www.covenantspice.com]. Thank you for that. WOW! They have really helped. We are having a summer of romance, for sure! Except for when he’s out of town, we have only missed one day of sex since the retreat! We’ve even done it 3 times in one day! I have even begun having orgasms again for the first time in 20 years, and I have high hopes for many more to come! (pardon the pun!)

I felt I wanted to write to you, Shannon, because I want women to know that it is never too late to more fully enjoy one’s mate! (even if she thinks she’s already enjoying him!) I’m also telling you these very private things about us because the devil really loves to lie to people my age that “some things are over” and I would like for older women to be encouraged otherwise.

I told my husband the other day that often I feel like I am this special child God loves. I was walking along minding my own business, showed up at the retreat expecting to be a blessing and to be blessed, but not even knowing the GREAT GIFT He was about to give me, or that I was even in need of anything, and HOW MUCH MORE FUN was ahead of me/us!! I love God. He is amazing and loves us SOOOOO much. I have been surprised by JOY and I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough.

I can’t thank you enough either, Shannon. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We believe you have a special anointing to talk about sexuality to all ages. God bless you for doing what He has gifted you to do. We are also reading Every Young Woman’s Battle because we’re sending copies to our granddaughters. I can’t wait to discuss the book with them when we’re together!

Rejoicing,

Helen

Isn't that great?! Please subscribe to Shannon's weekly hot-tip for Sexually Confident Wives!

Meeting Dr. James Dobson

2011-07-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

Gana, Mark, Dr. Dobson and Jordan

Lake Avenue Church

Pasadena

What a special evening! Dr. Dobson spoke about Bringing Up Girls. As all three men above have daughters it was a really powerful meeting!

Motherhood Is A Calling

2011-07-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

The article below blessed my socks off and challenged me at the same time! One of my favorite lines is: Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Enjoy!

Daja

Image from CafePress.com

Reposted from Desiring God Blog.

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months).

Go Home And Love Your Wife!

2011-07-13T11:33:00.001-07:00

The Cost of Freedom

2011-07-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

2 Chronicles 20:15- “This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

Dig Deeper:

2 Chronicles 20:1-30

A wise person once said, “Freedom is never free.”

Nathan Hale was a school teacher when the Revolutionary War broke out in April 1775. After hearing about the siege of Boston in a letter from a friend, Hale joined his five brothers in the fight for independence.

Hale fought under General George Washington in New York as British General William Howe began a military buildup on Long Island. When Washington asked for a volunteer to go on a spy mission behind enemy lines, Hale stepped forward. For weeks he gathered information on the position of British troops, but he was captured while returning to the American side. Because of the incriminating papers Hale possessed, the British knew ha was a spy. Howe ordered the 20 year old Hale to be hanged the following day without trial.

Patriot Nathan Hale was hanged on September 22, 1776. Before he gave his life for his country, he made a short speech, ending with these famous and inspiring words: “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”

As John Quincy Adams said, “You will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it.” We must do all we can to protect the freedoms that generations past have entrusted to us.

Richard G. Lee In God We Still Trust

And even today our freedom in Christ came at a price.

1 Corinthians 6:20-“For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

Eden Rock Rocks!

2011-06-26T18:38:00.001-07:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Curb Cutting Remarks

2011-05-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 10:18-21; 32- 18) Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, And whoever spreads slander is a fool. 19) In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. 20) The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; The heart of the wicked is worth little. 21) The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom.... 32) The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked is perverse.

You would think we would learn early in life to measure our words before we say them; to listen to them twice in our mind before we say them once. The results can be catastrophic if we don’t. Words cut to the core of who we are, and a lot of damage can be created in a hurry when our tongue runs at a high RPM.

Here are some guidelines for measuring your words:

- Don’t be hasty. Think about what’s necessary. We’re taught never to turn a power tool on unless we know exactly what it is going to do when the blade starts turning. Consider the effect of what you’re about to say.

- Don’t exaggerate. Using the words “always” and “never” are good examples-save yourself some grief with your spouse before you say, “You always do this” or “You never do that.”

- Check your volume. Screaming and yelling to make your point may make you feel better in the short run, but it also gives you more to be sorry for later and causes damage that another may never get over.

- Always ask yourself: Do my words give life and edify, or do they tear others down?

By: Hugh Poland in The Master Carpenter

Which of the above guidelines might help me during a difficult discussion? I know we can all relate to these guidelines. We have the opportunity to practice them everyday in marriage, with our children, family, and friends. And yes, it takes practice. This does not always come natural. Especially when we have been hurt by the other person. I know I have blown it on many occasions, but I am putting to practice these guidelines. I can already see the difference with my spouse and with my children. So remember to stop and think before we speak. For some of us it may take a little more effort than others to start putting these guidelines into everyday practice with our family. But don’t give up, admit it when you have blown it. And continue to keep on trying. It will be well worth what you and your family will receive from it. Speak life, not death.

Mark Soto

50 Ideas to Inspire Your Husband

2011-05-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

A wife has the unique ability to help her husband feel the freedom to reach his fullest potential as the man God has created him to be.
Janel Breitenstein

There’s an old joke about one of our presidents walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation. The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”

The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”

Now, occupation is not the measure of a man. But as a wife, you do possess a unique power to inspire your husband. Your loving vision of the man he’s becoming propels him toward greatness—not necessarily by the world’s yardstick of success, or even your own, but of God’s.

When you believe in him, he is secure. He can take the leaps of faith required to surmount fear. He can bear up under pressure, pioneer new territory.

An inspired husband feels the freedom to reach the fullest potential of the man God has created him to be. He’s not merely encouraged. He’s a man who’s empowered; a conqueror. If you want to give your man some “wind beneath his wings”… start here.

Send him an e-mail. Example: “Praying for you today. Thanks for being so courageous in ___.”
Give him one night on a regular basis to do something he loves.
Consistently mention ways you see him growing to be more like Christ.
Initiate great sex.
Ask him about his “bucket list”—the top list of things he’d like to do in his lifetime.
Give him a book or audio CD to learn about something he loves doing.
Ask him about some dreams he has—and pray about them together, evaluating them. Then ask how you can help him go after them.
Text him on a stressful day. Example: “REMINDER: I BELIEVE IN U.”
Make sure he feels respected by you.
Leave sticky notes in his lunch, on his steering wheel, in his briefcase, etc. “So proud of all you’ve been doing with ___”. “You are so great with our kids.” “You are my dream come true.” “You are an incredible lover.”
Suggest that he take some time to go pursue a hobby.
Leave a message on his voicemail: “Thanks for going to work every day to take care of our family. You are so good at what you do.”
Ask him how you can pray for him at work. Later on in the week, get an update from him on what you’ve prayed for.
Be proactive about doing something together that he really enjoys. Make a date, get him excited, and share his enthusiasm!
Tell him areas he’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so he can trust you.
Pray for him.
Initiate great sex.
Start and keep a “Dreams” binder with him. Include some travel brochures or whatever gets you both energized. In the back, make sure you have a “Dreams turned reality!” file.
Talk with your husband about setting aside a small part of the budget to pursue the unique ways God has designed him (including his gifts, abilities, and passions)—through education or through sheer enjoyment.
Post on his Facebook wall: “I love being your wife! See me tonight regarding this.”
Gently communicate with him about what you like in bed, and respond encouragingly to his attempts.
Remember a dream that he had a long time ago. Talk with him about whether it’s still a dream—and still a possibility.
Ask God to open your eyes to the ways He has made your husband unique, and to give you wisdom about how to maximize that workmanship.
Have your children write him notes or letters about what they love about him as a dad.
Initiate great sex.
Ban yourself from nagging, which is the Great Life-Sucker.
Ask, “If I could do one thing that would really empower you and inspire you, what would it be?” Then listen, resist being defensive (the hard part), and follow through.
Remind him of specific times when he’s made an impact on other people’s lives. “Hey, I was thinking the other day about all the time you invested in that Cub Scout troop. Wonder what those boys are doing now. It was so cool to watch them grow with you as their leader.” “Our son has grown so much in encouraging people lately. He gets that from you; you are such a good example for him in that.”
Buy him something small to stoke the fires: A journal for a writer, some carpentry pencils for a woodworker, some grilling tools for the master chef. Add a sweet note: “Just because I love the way you’re made.”
Do something fun and unexpected together. A few ideas to try: paintball; laser tag; on a spring day, have a picnic, blow bubbles, and bring the books you’re reading; swing; play a pickup game of a sport together; go to a drive-in movie, bring popcorn, and instigate a make-out session.
Think about a way you’ve been hurting him, annoying him. Or there may be ways you’re not “seeing” him—not stepping into his world to understand what it’s like to be him, with all of the things he cares about. Apologize, and work hard at showing true change.
Initiate great sex.
Go to a home improvement store to plan a small, doable project that energizes both of you, even if it’s just painting a room or fixing up some landscaping. (Hint: Be positive that it’s something by which he won’t feel burdened.)
With quality, complete something from his to-do list for him—something that he’d rather have you do anyway.
Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis, even if it’s as simple as playing the Wii together after the kids are in bed.
Create a cheerful atmosphere when he comes home.
Design a date night that will help him to de-stress and have fun.
Discover his “love language,” and become fluent in it.
Pray about and pursue at least one dream of your own, talking with him about it. An inspired wife breeds inspiration.
What’s difficult about his life right now? Pray for his endurance, and encourage him specifically. Galatians 6:9 is a great start for both. Think, What can I do to ease the load he’s carrying?
Organize or clean something in your home that you know he finds messy.
Send a snail-mail love note to him at the office, affirming him in his work.
Think of something on his honey-do list at home that he finds overwhelming or for which he doesn’t have much time. Talk with him (respectfully and gently) about the possibility of hiring someone to do it. Communicate clearly that it’s not because you find him incompetent, but that you want to free him up from a burden.
Initiate great sex.
Be a student of your husband. Does he feel inspired if he has all his ducks in a row? If he has a creative space to think? If he feels verbally affirmed?
If your man is into dressing nice, go with him to shop for clothes in which he feels confident.
Let him overhear you speaking well of him on the phone, among friends, or in public places. And to your mother.
In his area of weakness, pray about how to subtly, gently step in and help him.
Tell him what a great dad he is. Be specific.
If and when he messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives you. Respond in a way that communicates, You’re safe with me—and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow … and I love the journey with you.

This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife's blog for moms of all ages and stages of life

Let Someone In

2011-05-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

Let someone in? Hey guys, we need to let other godly men into our lives. We need accountability. We need encouragement from other men. We need friendships. But does that come natural or do we need to make an effort to let someone in to our lives. We need to make a better effort as men to build friendships. I recently started a small group for men called Covenant Keepers. It’s to allow us as men to create an atmosphere to be open and transparent. A place where trust is established and we can be real. No shame, no guilt, a place where men can learn from each other, and a place to realize how much we have in common with our everyday struggles. I always think of Nathan, when he spoke into David’s life in Samuel 12. But also how David humbly realized what he did was wrong. Without another man speaking to David, would he of realized his wrongs or try to keep them hidden? Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better is open rebuke, than hidden love.” But when we establish true friendships with other men, and allow ourselves to be accountable to each other, God will speak through them so we can see our ways. Not to condemn, but to break us free from our sins. I have learned to be humble and allow friends to lovingly rebuke me. I have also learned to hear my wife, my kids, when they have something to say towards me or about my character. It is not always easy to hear the truth, but it will definitely make us better sons to big Poppa, better husbands, better father’s, better friends, and better men. Remember what stays in secret, gives the enemy authority over that sin. Once that is confessed, spoken out loud (especially to another brother) the enemy has no authority and allows God to wipe it away. We grow more mature, and become more like our Creator. We represent that to the world, to our wives, and to our children. We begin to lead by example; we begin to become spiritual leaders of our homes. So men, I urge to get connected with other godly men. Establish friendships that can be trusted. Allow yourself to be transparent. If we don’t keep it real, we don’t allow people to truthfully speak into our lives.

Mark Soto

Change Your Mind, Change Your Marriage

2011-05-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

Thoughts and attitudes are like the engine of a train and our emotions and behavior are like the caboose.

Thoughts help form and determine your attitudes toward marriage. They determine how you feel about your mate as well as how you feel about being married in general. Thoughts can inspire hope – or take it away. Changing the way you think is like a locomotive that switches tracks and heads in a new direction, taking the rest of the train – behavior, actions, and habits – right along with it.

Paul obviously didn't have a train in mind when he offered his heart-felt instructions to the Christians in Rome – but it's still a useful metaphor. Pleading with the Romans to change their thoughts and actions, he said, "I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. . . . Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. . . . Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment" (Romans 12:1–3).

The apostle is speaking about a major mind shift here. The word transform comes from the same basic root for the English word metamorphosis. As larvae go through a radical change to become butterflies, so must we sometimes radically change our minds in order to have a healthy faith and marriage.

When we do make this change, we will not think of ourselves higher than we should (v. 3), and our judgments (perceptions, beliefs, conclusions, attitudes) will be sober, clear, and accurate. Transforming our thinking can lead us to the right behaviors (vv. 9–21). The right behavior will then lead to the outcomes we want such as peace, intimacy, and oneness. The more we understand this principle, the more positive impact it will have on our relationships.

One of my good friends, Dr. Gary Rosberg, is one of the most spiritual men I know. When I grow up I want to be just like him. Whenever we're together, talk on the phone, correspond by e-mail, or chat after I finish a radio interview on his show, the last thing he always says to me is, "Hey Mitch, guard your heart, brother." This is another way of saying, "Be very careful to protect your mind from the wrong stuff. Put the right things in your mind. Protect it. Shield it from the bad influences." Just recently, after the birth of my first grandchild, Gary's message to me was: "Mitch, guard your heart, brother. The stakes just got higher."

I know Gary means for me to guard my heart in every area of life, including my relationship with Rhonda. Like a computer, if I put the right things into my mind, the right things will likely come out. Gary understands this. He knows that if my thinking is on track, then the rest of my life will be too.

Our Creator commands spouses – particularly husbands – to guard their hearts and thinking so that they do not forsake the wife of their youth (Malachi 2:14–16). God is serious about how we think and behave in our marriage. We should be too.

Sure, our actions may be due to "unthinking" habits we've fallen into. You may leave the bathroom messy every day without even thinking about it. Just part of the routine, right?

But if you really reflect on that habit, you may discover that there was a particular thought, belief, value, or idea that led you to the action – or at minimum maintained it. Maybe you thought at some time previously, I did this before I was married, so I should be able to keep on doing it. Or, What's the big deal? I'll clean up later, but now I'm in a hurry.

Sometimes, though, our distorted thinking can lead to consequences much more severe than squabbles about bathrooms.

By Mitch Temple

I Own My Reaction!

2011-05-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

When your spouse negatively reacts towards you, what is your reaction towards your spouse?

Our spouse is not responsible for our reaction. We are responsible for the way we react towards our spouse, our children, family, friends, and whoever else.

The Apostle Peter tells us to dwell with our wife with understanding, or you can say to dwell with each other with understanding. It takes work and a true dependency on God to understand our spouse. But instead of responding in a negative way when you feel your spouse did first. Try extending grace, extending love, and try to understand why your spouse responded in a negative way. Even if you feel that you did nothing wrong at that moment or didn’t deserve that kind of response. When the time is right, let your spouse know how that made you feel. Don’t come in a finger pointing way, but tell them how you felt at that moment. Or you may already know why your spouse responded negatively. Take ownership to your part. First look to yourself before you look at your spouses issues.

Proverbs 24:3-4- Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

So next time you are offended by your spouse:

Control your words.

Pray.

Extend grace, love, and forgiveness.

Try to understand the reasoning’s behind it.

When the time is right, express how that made

You feel.

Listen, hear your spouses heart.

Remember, don’t hold back on Grace, Love, and Forgiveness, it has not been withheld from you.

Mark Soto

Create Your Own Spiritual High!

2011-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

This is this week's Hot Tip from author and speaker Shannon Ethridge!

Hot Tip #57 - Create Your Own Spiritual High!

We have a running joke in our marriage that's actually not a joke. It's for real.

Whenever I leave to speak at a marriage, women's, or youth conference, I always say to my husband, "I look forward to returning home for some post-conference sex!"

How do I know there's going to be "post-conference sex?" Because after almost 20 years of traveling and speaking, I've learned that I always return from these events on a spiritual high. And when I'm on a spiritual high, guess what kind of other high comes naturally? Uh-huh. A sexual high!

I find it absolutely fascinating that whenever we fan the flames of our spirituality, the flames of our sexuality are stoked as well. It's kind of like in the opening lines of The Grapes of Wrath, where the minister preaches up a storm at a revival, then immediately goes into a field and has sex. It just seems like the most natural thing in the world -- as if we're doing exactly what God designed us to do – functioning as both spiritual and sexual beings.

So pray up a storm together, and see if you don't find yourself getting aroused eventually. Read a great spiritual book together, and consider it foreplay to something even richer. Attend a worship service together, and carve out the following block of time to simply go home, lay in each other's arms, and "debrief" from the service. :o)

Figure out what makes YOU come alive spiritually, and chances are, you'll also discover what makes you come alive sexually!

Wishing you both spiritual and sexual highs,
Shannon Ethridge, M.A.

Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality & Spirituality

Find more of Shannon's Hot Tips here.
Read Shannon's Blog here.

Mirror, Mirror

2011-02-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

(Genesis 3:11-13) 11 And God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” 12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” 13 And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

When I read this verse, I see where shifting the blame originated from. God gave Adam a chance to confess, but instead he blames God for giving him Eve. Then Eve blames the serpent. We still do this everyday in our marriages. We tend to blame our spouse for our unhappiness. Or we tend to focus on our spouses shortcomings. How easy is it for us to not look at our own issues? It is always easier to focus on the other person, than on ourselves.

I have come to learn, when my wife is not happy, or she is frustrated, or she is short with me, I can usually start by looking at myself. I could very easily get frustrated, or get resentful when my wife is acting crazy. I have a choice, to dwell on her issues, or reflect on me. Every time I ask God to reveal to me on what’s going on, He will usually say, “Look in the mirror and start there.” I don’t really look in a mirror, but I know I need to look honestly, and humbly about my issues, or my lack as a husband and father.

When we allow God to start with us, we allow God to work on our spouse.

This can affect the greatest change in marriage. Remember, a problem (you) cannot fix a problem in your spouse. Imperfection does not fix imperfection. We must allow our perfect Creator to do the fixing. So it is time to grow up in our marriages, to take responsibility for our choices, and to stop blaming our spouse for our issues. It is time to look in the mirror, and start there if you want to start on a path of healing for your marriage.

Mark Soto

Running with Perseverance

2011-02-15T20:07:00.000-08:00

Perseverance is essential for successful living. It allows us to consistently pursue a goal or unwaveringly live out our beliefs, regardless of obstacles or difficulties. In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, the apostle Paul compares the pursuit of the Christian life to a footrace. His vivid analogy shows the importance of persevering in the race of faith in order to attain our spiritual reward.
As you teach your children about perseverance, consider these four biblical principles:
Training. Only the foolish attempt to run a marathon without preparation. Simple day-to-day disciplines, such as prayer and studying the Bible, prepare one's faith to endure and help prevent those in the race from being disqualified.
Sustainable pace. Christians sometimes try to accomplish too much too quickly, relying on their own strength rather than on God's. Those runners often find themselves fatigued or burned out. Waiting on the Lord's timing sets an appropriate pace.
Staying the course. In the middle of long races, runners may "hit the wall," a point where they feel physically and emotionally spent. From their perspective, the finish line is far away and quitting is a strong temptation. When Christians continue running, choosing obedience over emotions, they will eventually experience a "second wind," a renewal of God's strength to sustain them.
Strong finish. God uses the challenges of the faith race to develop people to be mature and complete in Him. Just as athletes are crowned with victory wreaths and medals, God rewards those who persevere to the end.
You can use the following activities and discussions to help your child understand and apply these important truths about perseverance.
Key Points

Maintaining spiritual disciplines and following God's pace helps our faith to endure.
When we feel like giving up, God's strength sustains us.
God rewards those who persevere to the end.

Family Memory Verse

Hebrews 10:36
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

Scripture Study
For a more in-depth study on the purpose of family, read these Bible verses:

Romans 5:3-4
2 Timothy 4:7-8
Hebrews 10:32-36
Hebrews 12:1-3
James 1:2-4

Preschool Activity
School-Age Activity
Tween Activity
Time With Your Teen

God's Purposes for Marriage

2011-02-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

Understanding God’s design gives your marriage a sense of direction and stability.
Dennis Rainey

While in Southern California on a business trip, I stopped for a red light early one morning. Waiting at the intersection, I noticed a construction crew already busy renovating an old restaurant. Like ants, the carpenters and other workers were scrambling through the building, and almost every one of them possessed the same thing: blueprints. I saw blueprints carried under arms, rolled out on window ledges, and pointed at excitedly.

The light turned green and I sped away, but the scene lingered in my memory, reminding me of a simple truth: You don’t build or renovate a structure without blueprints. Or if you do, how will that building turn out?

Unfortunately, too many couples have not compared notes on their blueprints for marriage. Like those construction workers, every husband and every wife has a set of prints, but I’ve seen too many relationships where his and hers don’t match—their expectations and purposes differ. If you think this might be true in your marriage, how do you get on the same page in your relationship and build your “house” from identical plans?

The only answer I know is to put you in touch with the Architect, the original Designer, the One who has recorded His blueprints for marriage in Scripture. As you journey through marriage together, you want to grow in your love for each other, to experience life fully, and to be truly one. But what seemed so effortless as an engaged couple may now be an elusive dream. That’s why you need to understand God’s blueprints—His purposes for marriage.

These three purposes will give your marriage a sense of direction, internal stability, and the stamp of God’s design. They will lift your marriage above the everyday, run-of-the-mill relationship and place it on a high and lofty spiritual plane.

Purpose One: Mirror God’s image. After God created the earth and the animals, He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” The account continues, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).

God’s first purpose for creating man and woman and joining them in marriage was to mirror His image on planet earth. Center your attention on those words, mirror His image. The Hebrew word for “mirror” means to reflect God, to magnify, exalt, and glorify Him. Your marriage should reflect God’s image to a world that desperately needs to see who He is. Because we’re created in the image of God, people who wouldn’t otherwise know what God is like should be able to look at us and get a glimpse.

Purpose Two: Complete each other and experience companionship. Scripture clearly outlines a second purpose for marriage: to mutually complete each other. That’s why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Adam felt isolated in the Garden, and so God created woman to eliminate his aloneness. Writing to the first-century church in Corinth, Paul echoed the teachings in Genesis 2 when he asserted, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

I was convinced that Barbara was “the one,” because I sensed that she could complete me as well as be a wonderful companion. Now, many years later, I really understand how much I need her. The two of us are like a computer and software. Standing alone, the computer and software are impressive, but combined as a team, they can accomplish so much more! And that’s exactly what God had in mind when He performed the first marriage with an original groom and bride named Adam and Eve.

You need each other. You recognize that now. But if you build your marriage according to God’s blueprints, as the years go by, you will really appreciate the genius of how God has custom-made your mate for you.

Purpose Three: Multiply a godly legacy. A line of godly descendants—your children—will carry a reflection of God’s character to the next generation. Your plans for children may still be in the future, but if He gives you a child, you will be in for an amazing adventure.

God’s original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse—a nurturing place where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Too many couples today seem to be raising their children without a sense of mission and direction. They aren’t imparting to them the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy of changed lives. They aren’t evaluating their lives in light of the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where Christ commands us to preach the gospel to all nations.

One of your assignments is to impart a sense of destiny, a spiritual mission, to your children. Your responsibility as a couple is to make your home a place where your children learn what it means to love and obey God. Your home should be a training center to equip your children to look at the needs of people and the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ. If children do not embrace this spiritual mission as they grow up, they may live their entire lives without experiencing the privilege of God using them in a significant way.

Your marriage is far more important than you may have ever imagined because it affects God’s reputation on this planet. That’s why it’s essential for you to set Jesus Christ apart as the Builder of your home.

Adapted by permission from Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Thomas Nelson Publisher, 2000.

Dennis Rainey is president of FamilyLife.

The Two Shall Become.....Us.

2011-02-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

As the Scriptures say,

"A man leaves his father and mother

and is joined to his wife,

and the two are united into one."

Ephesians 5:31

And the two shall become Us.

When You Have a Great One-Liner

2011-01-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

by Janine Petry

I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.

Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.

Here are some ways we show disprespect:

Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: "You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children."
Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: "That's your best idea yet; got any more?"
Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he's around. Example: "He actually thinks those look good together."
Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: "So are we actually going to see you on time today?"

I've come to understand that the phrase "Women need love and men need respect" is more than just a slogan — it's Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I'm sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.

Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.

These alternatives show respect:

Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: "What made work so difficult today?"
Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: "I'm not sure that's going to work. Are there any other options?"
Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: "I love that he's daring enough to wear that."
Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: "It's been really hard for us when you're late; I appreciate you making the effort to get home earlier."

I show respect to my husband because God brought up the subject. It's His way of leading me into a marriage that is blessed as it reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage has a purpose far greater than my husband's and my relationship. Our unity expressed in love and respect is nothing short of God's witness to the world of His great love.

Janine Petry is a wife, a homeschooling mom and a frequent contributor to Thriving Family

Room to Grow

2011-01-19T10:26:00.000-08:00

I recently found myself engrossed in an episode of "Hoarders." If you are not familiar with this show, "Hoarders" lets you see in great detail the struggles of people who ... well, hoard. Up close and personal, viewers witness what happens to people's lives, families, health and spiritual well-being when they are beset by one basic problem: the inability to let go of stuff. Whether it is memorabilia, toys, electronics, appliances, clothes or whatever, the basic issue is the same: The person just cannot let it go.

While "Hoarders" deals with material things, the show mirrors a similar challenge that is all too common in marriage: the inability to let go of the old and the broken, even when those things now hurt the relationship.

We all go through life looking forward to the new, to the promise of tomorrow. But as we embrace the new, we don't as often recognize the need for the parallel process of letting go of the old. Relationships, activities, practices — our lives are filled with things that may only be meant to last for a short season. As King Solomon said, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ... a time to keep and a time to throw away" (Ecclesiastes 3:1,6).

When a season is over — when its value has come and gone — we should let it go. This cycle is built into life by God.

Trading the good for the best

Endings are never easy, of course, even if they are necessary. And sometimes those endings are painful. But in the same way a rosebush needs pruning for a gardener to get beautiful flowers, married couples must also decide what needs to be cut away.

Think about that idea for a moment. A gardener prunes a rosebush for three reasons: First, a bush may produce more buds than it can sustain and feed. So, the gardener prunes the good ones, and keeps only the best ones so they can fully mature. Second, there are diseased branches that simply refuse to get well. Third, dead branches occupy space that the healthy ones need in order to grow. If all three types of pruning are done regularly and well, then the rosebush thrives.

Imagine if couples were to approach their marriages with a gardener's mind-set — if they trimmed away good things to let the better things thrive and if they said goodbye to the activities that took resources and space from their relationship. The process might be painful at first, but the courage and determination to embrace those necessary endings would ultimately give their marriage a new and more fulfilling beginning.

The courage to embrace tomorrow

For a variety of reasons, such as guilt or fear of the unknown, couples hang on to things whose season has passed, things that really should be cut away. You may recognize some of these things from your own life:

A church or small group, which served you well in a particular season of your marriage, is no longer doing so. Its legitimate season is past, and it may in fact be toxic for your relationship. Guilt and fear keep you from finding and investing in a group that is appropriate for this time of life.
Your lives are simply too overextended. Sports, clubs, ministry opportunities, arts, social functions — if too many outside activities are extracting energy from your lives, the quality time that you need as a couple doesn't happen.
A group of friends that was once important to you is going a different direction in life, with different values than you wish to build in your marriage. Spending time and energy there is keeping you from investing in the friends who are heading in the same direction as you.
You spend time on a hobby that, while entertaining, might be keeping you from pursuing something that will enrich your marriage.
You've tried helping an extended family member, but he continues on the wrong path, taking advantage of your kindness and causing your marriage unnecessary grief. Every time you interact with him, your own marriage suffers because you are not emotionally available for your spouse in the aftermath.

I am not saying that couples should just throw away all of the activities and relationships that are not benefiting them in some way. That would be selfish, and Christians are called to commitment and service. But this must be accompanied by discernment and wisdom.

As we journey through life with our spouse, we need to wisely choose where we spend our time, energy and money, having the strength to say goodbye to what does not fit. If we are going to enjoy a truly thriving marriage, we need to recognize what season we are in, and prune accordingly.

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist and the author or co-author of over 20 books, with a total of 4 million copies in print. His most recent book is Necessary Endings.

Reflecting God's Faithfulness

2011-01-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

by Kurt Bruner

"But you promised!"

How many times, as parents, have we heard those words? Our memory of our promises often isn't as acute as our kids' memories, and they can be deeply disappointed when we forget. All children crave promise keeping from the significant adults in their lives. They want to trust that we will do what we say.

I'm glad God doesn't forget His promises. He keeps His Word. When He makes a promise, He will deliver. Faithfulness, one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), is a biblical word describing those who keep their promises. It does not mean "full of faith," but rather "worthy of faith." Faithfulness says, "I will keep my word. I will not fail you. I won't quit on you." Faithfulness is the glue that keeps our actions adhering to our promises.

The faithfulness of God is foundational to our faith: If we can't trust what He says in the Bible, we have no reason to believe. If He doesn't keep His Word, then our salvation is shaky and our hope is empty. But if God does fulfill His promises, then our faith is meaningful and our eternal destiny is secure.

Faithfulness is foundational to a happy, God-honoring home as well. Promising ice cream and then forgetting, threatening punishment and not following through, or singing "I Love You, Lord" in church and forgetting Him through the week all affect our children and can undermine trust. Children who have to deal with continual broken promises may find it difficult to trust the significant people in their lives — including God.

Practice faithfulness, though, and you will provide stability, security and confidence for your children. You will reflect God to them. And you will instill in them the importance of being true to their word.

When your children develop faithful hearts, they will stay in a close walk with God; they will also find more success in their schoolwork, their friendships, their marriage and their career.

Remember: Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit, empowered by God. So pray for it. Model it. Teach it. Celebrate it.

On this page, you will find age-appropriate activities and discussions to help you do just that.

Key Points

God is faithful; He keeps His promises.
Faithfulness says, "I will keep my word. I won't fail you."
Faithfulness is essential for a happy home and godly living.

Family Memory Verse

Proverbs 3:3
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

Scripture Study

For a more in-depth look at faithfulness, read these Bible passages:

Numbers 23:19
Deuteronomy 7:9
1 Corinthians 1:9
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Hebrews 10:23
1 John 1:9

Humor in Marriage

2011-01-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." - E.E. Cummings

"Do you two need a tissue?" a voice gently whispered from behind us. We were sitting in a quiet theater watching a somber play when — at the saddest moment — something struck us as funny. Hysterically funny.

At just that moment, Les found a withered old banana in his coat pocket. Who knows how long it had lived there. He set this surprising discovery on my knee. Caught off guard by the incongruity of the banana and the play, I developed one of the worst cases of the giggles I've ever had. Les quickly caught the same disease. We tried desperately to stifle our laughter, but, as we bowed our heads to hide our faces, we couldn't keep our shoulders from shuddering. An older woman behind us, thinking we were moved by what was happening on stage, offered us a tissue for our tears, which made us want to laugh all the more. When Les accepted her kind offer, I really lost it and had to leave the theater.

Just another day in the marriage of Les and Leslie? Not quite, but we do laugh a lot together. The tiniest of things can sometimes set us off — a slight inflection or a knowing glance, for example. We can quote a funny line from a movie or sitcom for weeks. Better still are the unplanned faux pas in front of others that bring embarrassment. We have the same funny bone and can't keep from using it. No wonder we enjoy our marriage.

Laughter bonds people. Any good friend will tell you that laughter is the shortest distance between two people — especially in marriage. But one never knows what's funny to others. In a survey of over fourteen thousand Psychology Today readers who rated thirty jokes, the findings were unequivocal. "Every single joke," it was reported, "had a substantial number of fans who rated it 'very funny,' while another group dismissed it as 'not at all funny.'" Apparently, our funny bones are located in different places. Some laugh uproariously at the slapstick of Larry, Moe, and Curly-Joe, while others enjoy the more cerebral humor of Woody Allen.

Wherever you are on this continuum of humor, one thing is certain: Laughter, on a daily basis, is like taking a vitamin for your marriage. And it is a healthy habit all loving couples enjoy.

Stupid Small in 2011

2011-01-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

It's a New Year (Thank the Good Lord!) and this naturally causes us to reflect. Even if you're not so into New Year's Resolutions, it seems like those first few bars of Auld Lang Syne, cause one to think back (with regret or nostalgia) of the year gone by. You just can't help but think of what you would like to do differently in the New Year or what things you really hope to see. When the clock strikes 12 and you're standing there with your glass of bubbly, the inner optimist finds expression in that New Year's kiss.

As you look at your goals for 2011 and if you make any New Year's Resolutions, I think a major key is to not over complicate things. I came across a blog today that said it so well, that I won't try to reiterate it. I'll just share it with you:

Here's a taste:

Repeat after me: “The way to scary-good is through stupid-small.”

It sounds silly, but it’s true.

Being silly also helps you from being afraid of it.

Stupid-small is the way to go.

When my wife and I were at our lowest point together, we applied this idea without even knowing it.

We both knew we wanted something better, but it seemed so far off. So we started small. We cleared some things off our calendars, we went to counseling, we talked and spent time together.

We didn’t achieve a better marriage overnight, but we began the journey – and that’s the point.

We did it – so can you.

We are also planning for what will unfold in 2011 – step one was to start stupid small.

You will want to read the rest!! Visit Simple Marriage!

God bless you and your marriage in 2011!

"It was rather splendid to be wearing a blade made in Gondolin for the goblin-wars of which so many songs had sung....Go back, he thought. No good at all. Go sideways? Impossible. Go forward? Only thing to do! ON WE GO! So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and pitter." (The Hobbit)

Lead Me - Sanctus Real; a video production of My Bridge Radio

2010-09-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

Family Hashing

2010-09-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

Hey Dad,

Other than being a little anxious about losing you in the INTERNET Neverland, things are going pretty good. Not at all like a couple of weeks ago.

Maybe it was because we were in the transition zone...caught between summer and school, but the kids were terrible. They were constantly bickering, fighting, and thinking of numero UNO. I know my wife was frazzled, worn out, and wondering when I was going to officially deal with it. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have a pretty high terrible-kid-tolerance. But enough was enough. Even I was tired of the turmoil.

"Everyone upstairs to the yellow room,” I barked. “We're having a family meeting, and I don't want to hear one complaint.” Normally we meet in the familyroom, but I wanted a change in venue to highlight the seriousness of THIS meeting.

"OK," I began, "this has gone on long enough...things need to change." Then for the next thirty minutes I talked, they talked, I threatened, I talked some more...I asked forgiveness...I talked more, they offered suggestions, and then we closed in prayer.

Later, as we were going through the Wilson bedtime ritual, my son Ike (11) smiled warmly and said to me, "It's weird, Dad, but it felt really good during the family meeting."

That is so funny to me. I mean we've done all kinds of fun family things like going to the beach, eating at Chuck E Cheese’s, traveling across the country...but Ike never EVER said any of it "felt really good." His comment made me wonder if hashing things through as a family "feels" closer and warmer than doing fun things as a family. There must be something comforting and reassuring to know that no matter what---we're a family. We may blow it often, but we still regroup, ask forgiveness, and work together for the common good.

So I was going to encourage you to do something fun as a family this week, but instead let me encourage you to have a family meeting. Ask how things are going; talk about issues that need to be addressed. And whether they verbalize it or not...it will FEEL good. In fact, maybe ‘hashing’ is the best part of family. Go figure.

See you on the other side of the email veil.
You ‘da dad!!!

Todd Wilson- Familyman Ministrieswww.familymanweb.com

Bumber Sticker Dad

2010-09-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hey Dad,

Just got back from speaking at a Labor Day Family Camp in Lake Geneva, WI. It’s always encouraging to be around a bunch of parents who are in the same boat as we are (it’s a really BIG boat). Lake Geneva Youth Camp is a great facility. The food was stellar, the people wonderful, the grounds beautiful, and The Screamer…well, it made you scream (see photo below).

The only drawback was that we had to brave Chicago traffic. Not only was it congested and slow, but it also seemed as if every road we turned on was under construction.

While we were creeping through Chicago, a bumper sticker not only caught my eye, but also struck a nerve in the deep dad-recesses of my mind. The bumper sticker was just three words on a plain background, but it spoke volumes.

DEER HUNTER'S WIDOW

At first I wasn’t quite sure what it meant, but then I realized that a longer version might read, “My husband is gone so much during deer hunting season that it feels like I’m all alone in our marriage.”

I’m sure the person bought or received it as a joke, but I felt myself getting mad as I stared at the tail end of that car. In fact, I had half a mind to follow the car to its home and chew out the guy for abandoning his family in favor of sitting out in the woods with a bunch of buddies to plug some animal.

As the car pulled away, I began thinking of similar bumper stickers that might have a market.

Golfer’s Widow
Businessman’s Widow
Pastor’s Widow
Football Fan’s Widow
Internet User’s Widow
TV Watcher’s Widow
Traveling Salesman’s Widow

Truth is, many wives feel alone in their marriages, their families, and their lives. They got married thinking they were going to travel life’s highway together hand in hand with their men and what they got were men who were so busy doing their lives that they didn’t have much time for them. It might be one of the reasons why Facebook is so popular among the female folk. We’ve let them down.

Truth is: deer hunting is fun. Golfing and watching football are too. Ministry, business, and our jobs are important. But none of it matters as much as the promise we made to our wives to love, honor, and cherish them.

So let me ask you a question: What kind of bumper sticker would be on your wife’s car?

MY HUSBAND LOVES ME!

You ‘da dad!!!

www.familymanweb.com

Grace for Fugitives

2010-09-03T12:35:00.000-07:00

God’s grace is more expansive than our sin. The whole story of Jonah is God going after depraved, fallen fugitives.
We basically understand why God pursues Jonah, since he was a prophet and a part of God’s people Israel, and he cared about God, at some level anyway. Jonah’s prayer revealed that he was basically a friend of God, not an enemy.
Yet God also goes after Nineveh. Jonah was pathetic in many ways, but Nineveh was violently wicked, perverse and sadistic. It makes me wonder why God didn’t just do away with the whole nasty place. That would have spared God so much effort.
But the good news is that God’s ability to clean things up is infinitely greater than our ability to mess things up. God’s grace is so massive, so expansive, so wide-ranging, that it tracks down both kinds of runners from God. Those who try to rescue themselves by breaking the rules, and those who try keeping them.
There’s no place where you might be now, or where you might have been in the past, or where you might go in the future, that will ever be beyond the reach of God’s grace, nowhere!
Tullian Tchividjian in Surprised by Grace

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Thought to Apply:
Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it. It means that while we were sinners and enemies we have been treated as sons and heirs.

Marriage Expectations (iMarriage-Part 1A)

2010-08-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

"Love is....

2010-07-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

....born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation!"

~Jose Marti y Perez (1853 - 1895)

A Tribute To All You Wonderful Dads!

2010-07-02T09:23:00.001-07:00

Keeping the Marriage Bed Pure by Resolving Conflict

2010-07-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

Resolving conflict healthily honors marriage and keeps the marriage bed pure. Praying with your spouse leads to emotional safety, which encourages sexual intimacy.
Hey married folks. How's your sex life? Satisfied? Is it all you dreamed about in the early weeks and months of being married?
If not, I wonder what happened to that early sense of love? Where did it escape to? And how did it get there so fast? We seem to dirty the slate so fast in marriage. Resentments set in when we argue and leave the making up until it's too late. All too often, we forget to go back to our spouse and resolve – and I mean really take care of – the relational junk that bogs us down. Resentments build up like a pile of bones in a closet we didn't know came with the wedding ring.
What if we took care of the conflicts that so easily get in the way? What if we consistently worked to handle conflict in a God-honoring, spouse-edifying manner? I'm guessing many marriages would be completely different.
We're told in Hebrews 13:4 to honor marriage and to keep the marriage bed pure. I wonder if taking care of conflict is part of what "keeping the marriage bed pure" is all about. I used to think this Scripture was only about sexual impurity and sex outside of marriage (which are obviously part of the author's intent). But what if we keep the marriage bed pure by taking care of resentment and by resolving conflict through loving and honest communication?
True sexual intimacy doesn't happen in a vacuum, and I guarantee it doesn't happen in a home filled with perpetual unresolved conflict. I can't truly give myself to my spouse, and she can't fully give herself to me, when we harbor resentment in our hearts. It doesn't matter if we're full of unforgiveness due to a real or perceived relationship misfire. The resentment that builds up from not dealing with conflict is just incompatible with true intimacy in marriage.
I've heard it said that sex in marriage is like air. You never know how important it is until you don't have it anymore. If you've been married very long, you can probably relate to this statement.
When my wife and I are consistently taking care of conflict as it arises, and we're promoting emotional safety for each other in our marriage, our sexual intimacy is consistently nurtured.
When we're in an extended time of unresolved conflict, or we choose to avoid issues, or not to fight or to play the passive-aggressive game, sex suddenly becomes a huge issue. During these times, we tend to fight over not enough frequency or being unsatisfied with our level of sexual intimacy. When we're verbally fighting, we seem to find any "reason" to be sexually discontent.
Resolve the conflict, however, and issues of sexual discontent go away like warm breath on a cold day. Practicing good communication skills is always a good foundation for taking care of conflict, but it's not necessarily the only thing we should be doing.
My wife and I have found that praying together is one of the best ways to build intimacy. Praying for your spouse and praying with your spouse are two different deals entirely. It's easy to pray for my wife. Praying with her, though, takes our level of intimacy to a deeper level. When I expose my weaknesses and fears to God in prayer with my wife, we find we're both once again grounding ourselves in God's relational Truths.
I hope I'm not misconstruing this area. Men, hear me on this – resolving conflict in your marriage does not equal more sex (my apologies to men everywhere). Resolving conflict, fighting fair and honoring God in how you communicate with your spouse does, however, provide emotional safety in your marriage.
Correctly taking of conflict honors your marriage commitment. It honors your spouse, and it honors God. Making your relationship a place of emotional safety keeps the marriage bed pure.
Copyright © 2008, Matthew D. Turvey

Not Going to Extremes

2010-06-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Being stubbornly silent or verbally explosive during marital conflict doesn't honor God. Finding balance in marital conflict resolution expresses honor and love for God.
A husband and wife were fighting. They refused to talk. Getting ready for a business trip the next day, and not willing to be the first one to cave in and actually speak, the husband wrote his wife a note, "Please make sure I'm up by 5:30 a.m. I must catch a flight."
At 9:00 a.m. the next morning, the husband awakens and realizes he's missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a note by the bed. It read, "It's 5:30 a.m. Wake up."
Who wins in a situation like this? Have you ever felt like you and your spouse are spinning your wheels in an argument you both know will never go anywhere?
My wife has always been better at keeping her mouth shut than I have. I mean this as a compliment. I tend to open my mouth too early, too often or too much (note to self: never again ask a woman if she's pregnant or just took the gray out of her hair).
The downside of my wife's verbal reticence was that early in our marital conflicts she could leave me talking to a blank stare for days on end. She could shut down the lines of communication with a flip of some mental and/or emotional switch.
It wasn't healthy, because the silent partner in marriage holds all the cards. The silent partner controls the emotional tenor of the marriage. The one who chooses obstinate quiet over talking through conflict stunts the growth of the marriage.
It's the same with our relationship with God. If I choose to hold back in my prayer life, to be stingy in those things I share with God, then I'm stunting my spiritual growth. And who does that hurt? God? I think his omnipotence can handle my freeze tactics. The silent treatment hurts my relationship with God and with my spouse. Obstinate silence changes the balance of power in any relationship for the worse.
Lest you think I have it in for quiet people, consider the other side of the coin. I know those whose verbal tirades have left their spouse literally quivering in fear of what comes next. I know husbands and wives who, in the name of "being real" or being "honest" in their marriage, let loose with biting, stinging words that wound their spouses to the core.
Instead of hurting the marriage by holding back verbally, these folks hurt the marriage by lashing out. These couples sell the same damage in a different wrapper.
To find the balance between these extremes, recognize that marriage, like our relationship with Christ, takes communication. Just as you won't grow spiritually without some form of consistent prayer life, you won't grow in your marriage without some form of consistent communication. If you're the spouse that likes to hold back verbally when you're mad, and you don't take the initiative to come back to truly resolve whatever conflict you're facing, you cheat yourself and your marriage out of God's best. If you're trying to keep the balance of power in your favor by holding back verbally, you're probably succeeding – but at what price?
Maybe you're the spouse using words to tip the balance of power in your favor. You trample on your spouse's feelings, self-esteem and dignity with every hurtful verbal exchange. Maybe you find yourself rationalizing your communication style by saying, "She needed to hear that," or, "I know the truth hurts, but somebody has to tell him." If this is you, I'd caution that there are very rare, limited cases when a married individual should take this stance of being marital judge and jury.
Instead, in humility, we would do better to take whatever "she needed to hear" or the "truth that you had to tell him" before the throne of grace. Earnestly ask God if your heart and attitude are right before ever going back to your spouse for the kind of conversation that could once again trample your spouse's spirit.
Find balance in your style of managing marital conflict. Silence hurts. So does verbally lashing out. Neither is a healthy way to resolve conflict in your marriage. In extremes, both styles of resolving conflict are futile relational power-grabs. If you're the quiet one, learn from your blabber-mouth spouse. If you're the talker that shoots verbal darts non-stop, learn from your tight-lipped spouse. Stop doing things the way you've always done them, and begin looking for different results.
Most importantly, though, don't focus solely on the balance of power in your marriage. Focus on the balance of power between you and your Maker. Balance this scale, and the rest tends to take care of itself. Are you talking with God? Or are you the silent partner?
Copyright © 2008, Matthew D. Turvey

It's Unfair Not To Fight

2010-06-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

Avoiding conflict in marriage isn't fair to yourself or your spouse. Learning to embrace and resolve conflict healthily leads to a better marriage.
Remember June and Ward Cleaver – that oh-so-happy couple that chuckled through life's lessons with nary a care? The couple that never seemed to have any conflict? Never seemed to fight? Gee, Beav, weren't they happy?
June and Ward were my parents. They never seemed to disagree, to argue or to have any conflict whatsoever. I remember hearing my parents have a serious disagreement only one or two times during my formative years. If you grew up in a family where fighting was the norm and days of peace were something only the neighbors experienced, you may be jealous.
There are two sides to this coin, however. I came out of adolescence and into adulthood fearing conflict. I detested conflict. I didn't have a clue how to handle it. Conflict brought up emotions I didn't know how to handle. I had no backbone in my personal relationships – all because I didn't want any conflict. I ran scared.
Fast forward to marriage. God placed a wonderful woman in my life who was much less noticeably afflicted with conflict-aphobia. True to past form, I spent the first years of our marriage trying to avoid conflict and fighting. I hated the emotions dredged up by conflict, and I didn't know what to do when my wife brought up issues that were difficult for me to deal with. I wasted huge amounts of time avoiding conflict, hiding from it and trying to sweep it under the rug without dealing with it. I was doing all this while thinking it was best for me, best for my wife and best for our marriage.
However, instead of having less and less conflict (my inherent goal in avoiding it), my wife and I started having more frequent, more intense and more completely unsolvable conflicts. The very conflict I was running away from kept coming right back at me. I was running down a mountain away from an avalanche that wasn't slowing down.
I didn't allow my wife to have any negative emotions – or at least not to let me know about them. Through my words and actions, she understood I couldn't be bothered – or wouldn't be bothered – with conflict.
I was communicating to her, "If you have a problem with something in our relationship, don't tell me about it. It's your issue. You figure it out, and then tell me about it with a big fake smile on your face. Don't tell me about your pain. I don't want to know that you're feeling pushed out of my life because of my utter lack of willingness to deal with reality."
Our marriage arrived at a tipping point. Something had to give. The "my way or the highway" approach wasn't working. My wife couldn't go on with not being able to express herself to me. I couldn't go on hiding and avoiding the conflict gurgling right under the surface. I was destroying my marriage in my short-sighted efforts to make it my version of "better."
It was at this point of hurt that a series of events and connections with godly people led to me a life-changing revelation. I realized it was unfair not to fight. How selfish and arrogant of me to think that marriage had to be my way or the highway – especially when my way wasn't God's way.
For too many years I had been cheating my wife out of the chance to be heard. I was squashing vitality and life out of her and our marriage without even knowing it.
So I began to change. I began to accept that conflict done right is a wonderful thing. It's a crucible through which we take our relationship to a deeper level. We learn something about each other that lets us love deeper. When we accept our own shortcomings and the faults of our spouse and we work through them honestly, we get an incredible opportunity to extend God's grace to another person.
I soon realized I had also been cheating myself out of a huge part of marriage. I had not allowed myself to experience the emotions I was so scared of. When I paused and felt – really felt – the emotions that previously terrified me, I grew in ways I didn't imagine possible. Taking off my emotional sunglasses led me to see the world, my wife and my marriage in a full spectrum of new clarity. Life wasn't so one-sided anymore.
Maybe you find yourself in a marriage where your spouse "can't do" conflict. Or maybe it's you that can't do conflict. It's not fair to continue on this path.
Remember a few key principles to guide you through the process of fighting fair:
Emotions are nothing to avoid or be afraid of. Emotions just are. God gave them to us. Let's celebrate them in all their messiness, complexity, joy and pain.
Emotions are signposts that help you navigate the journey of marriage. Embrace the emotional expressions of your spouse and look for the message behind the words. What does your spouse's anger mean about their current experience and satisfaction in marriage? Learn from these emotions.
You make a better marriage when you work through conflict and honestly confront emotions. It may not sound macho, but my ability to cry with my wife and to better understand her pain led to increased intimacy in other areas of our relationship.
I'm not trying to be Ward Cleaver in marriage anymore. My wife and I no longer avoid conflict in our marriage. We see conflict as a chance to find the deep and rich rewards that come from living examined lives. We've learned to fight for our marriage – which is only fair.
By Matthew D. Turvey

From Tragedy to Victory

2010-06-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy.
— James 5:11

It is easy for us to read Job's story and critique him at certain points. But we need to keep in mind that Job never read the Book of Job. He didn't know it would turn out well in the end. He didn't know about the conversations between God and Satan. He didn't know why everything was happening. All he knew was that one day, it all was going beautifully, and the next day, the bottom dropped out with no real explanation that he could see. Yet Job persevered in his faith and integrity.

We are told in James 5:11, "We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy." God's plan finally ended in good, but Job could not see that midstream.
There are things about life that we don't understand. God can bring good out of bad. It doesn't mean that bad becomes good, because bad is bad. But it does mean that God can bring good despite bad, and our tribulations can bring forth good things. As Hebrews 12:11 says, "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

Before disciplining a child, a parent sometimes will say, "This will hurt me more than it will hurt you." Meanwhile, the child is thinking, Yeah, right! That is how we feel when we are being disciplined or are going through hardship. It hurts. But it also brings forth something good.

God can take the greatest of tragedies and turn them into the greatest of victories.

Greg Laurie

I Made Katherine Cry

2010-05-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hey Dad,
It’s another gray day of traveling. I wouldn’t mind a little sunshine but am thankful for the pleasant temperatures. There’s nothing worse than traveling in a blazing hot RV. It sure has been encouraging meeting so many Team Familyman members.

Everywhere we travel, I meet guys who are part of this great team we’ve assembled…and you’re part of it too. The thing I like about it is that it’s nice to know we’re all in the same boat. Every dad struggles with loving his wife and his children, and the pull of the unimportant.

That’s comforting to me…especially after making my daughter Katherine (13) cry. That’s right I, the Familyman, purveyor of good fathering and the embodiment of sensitivity, made my daughter cry.

It was one of those RV days. You know the kind. I was on edge. Anyway, at one point my wife was in a store doing something so I thought it would be a good time to pick up the mess.

“Katherine, would you pick up the stuff on the floor?” I asked nicely.

A few minutes later, sticking my head out from under the dinette to come up for air, Katherine called to me from the back bedroom.

“Dad, come here. I want to show you something.”

I got up looked at the mess that she had not touched and walked back to the back bedroom to see the smile of anticipation in my daughter’s face. It quickly vanished after I laid into her for not doing as she was told.
Even as the tears flowed down her cheeks, I continued. Then the dam burst and she wept openly and said, “I was just so excited to show you this.”

My heart was broken for making Katherine cry. I was so focused on me and my instructions that I forgot what was most important…my relationship with my daughter. The truth is, if I had been a good dad at the moment, then I would have listened more and talked less (and a whole bunch softer).

Since then, I’ve been making an extra effort to heal the wound that I caused. I want my princess to know that she’s more important to me than everything…including her behavior. I’ve talked softly, stroked her feminine side, and showed her that I’m glad she’s my princess.

So, Dad, don’t make your daughter cry, and if you have recently…make it right.

You 'da Dad,
Todd Wilson of Family Man Ministries, http://www.familymanweb.com/

Want Financial Freedom?

2010-05-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Rock Inc, Business mountain group of HROCK, would like to extend an invitation to Hrock church to join the Crown Ministry Life Group Study. This is a 10 week study on financial fundamentals based on Scripture. Crown was founded by Larry Burkett and is an depth study on scripture as it relates to finance but also gives practical guidance on accelerating debt reduction, budgeting, saving, and investing. This course will put you on the path towards financial freedom.

(image courtesy AllPosters.)

Due to limited availability, first to pay will have priority on the days and time.

We would like to start our first set of classes on or about the weekend of June 8. The class days will either be on a Sat, Mon,or Tue. Let me now which of these three days fit your schedule. Here is what we need:

1. Click on the link below and review the requirements for the course.

2. If still interested let me now which class days you would like to attend. (Sat, Mon or Tue.) Actual start dates will be determined once we get the interested folks information.

3. Contact me to make arrangements to collect $45.00 to order the materials.

4. We will plan to have an orientation in June to get the material and have an orientation.

http://www.crown.org/ForChurch/Solutions/LifeGroups/LifeGroupStudyMain.aspx

Please contact Robert and Kaylee Fukui with questions, to register or for more details. skikui2@aol.com

Tell The One You Love!!!

2010-05-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 16:24- “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.”

This morning when I was worshiping and praying with my family, I asked God to teach me how to share my thoughts more. There are a lot of times when I will have a thought of how much I love my wife or how hot she looks or how much I appreciate her. This also applies for my kids. The problem is I don’t always say what I’m thinking. I do tell them thoughts and feelings that are on my heart, but I am saying I could do a better job. I know how much it means to them.
Starting today, I am going to do a better job of speaking what is on my heart and mind. I want to lift up my wife, my children, and loved ones. This is not natural for me, but God is really doing some work in me. I love the change. I realize I am a work in progress, but I want to fulfill God’s purpose in me as a husband, a father, a brother, and a son.
So I encourage you today, do not hold back on words of love, kindness, encouragement, thankfulness, and truth. Life is too short, and the days go by too fast. We could never hear enough loving words from the people we love, especially our children. Let’s do this together and let’s make a change on how we express ourselves to our loved ones. So the next time you have a loving thought, don’t keep it to yourself, share it with the one you love.

Mark Soto

The Source of Self-Worth

2010-05-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Dennis Smith was rushing to class at a Christian school when he met one of his students lingering in the hallway.

“You’re going to be late for class,” he said.

The student turned away, staring out a window. The young man was crying as he explained to Dennis, “The other guys say I’m not cool. They tell me that constantly.”

The final bell rang as they walked toward the classroom, and Dennis gave the student a parting word of encouragement. Dennis recalls how he felt after the encounter. “My heart just ached for him. Felling like he didn’t fit in was crushing this kid.”

As both a youth associate serving in the schools and as a parent, Dennis has seen firsthand the emotional and social struggles of young people. “Self-esteem is a huge issue,” he says. “The young man I met in the hallway was only 11 years old, but his buddies had berated him for not being willing to use profanity and for never having had a sexual experience.”

Whether they’re preteens or nearly adults, peers can compromise the otherwise healthy self-esteem of a young man.

And guys are not alone in this struggle with self-esteem. Madison is a ninth-grader who enjoys the support of an affirming family and healthy church. But Madison says even Christian teen girls feel the pressure to appear beautiful and perfect in every way. “For girls my age, everything is about body image, “she says.

Beverly Odom is assistant director of a large student ministry in Georgia. She says, “Teen girls are constantly comparing themselves to each other and to images they see in the media. I often see the body obsession thing linger on into adulthood.

Whether positive or negative, realistic or skewed, the views our kids form of themselves during adolescence stay with them for years. Their self-esteem influences mental acuity, emotional health and behavior. Beverly says, “The pressure on most kids today is just unbelievable. The quest to be accepted goes on 24/7. Even Christian teens can lose sight of that they have in Christ and can be pressured to do things that, deep down, they know are wrong.”

How do we help teens arrive at a God-honoring balanced sense of self? “The kids we’ve seen flourish are the ones who accurately understand who they are in Christ,” Beverly says. “They must draw their identity from Jesus. Parents should try and steer their kids away from allowing peer pressure, social posturing or media to sour their perspective.”

Christian teens have clear and tangible reasons to feel OK about who they are. Their self-worth should be grounded on, and bolstered by, the following realities:

- They are made in God’s Image.
- Jesus personally cares about them.
- They’re worthy of unconditional love in your home.
- They can find a haven of acceptance among other believers.
- God has a plan for their life.

Although these truths can be a great source of encouragement, teens’ emotions don’t automatically “catch up” to the facts. Self-esteem issues often feed on irrationality. Teens must vigilantly pursue an honest view of themselves, their circumstances and the Lord. Feelings shouldn’t be allowed to trump the facts.

A healthy self-esteem isn’t grounded in one’s strengths or abilities. Of the five points listed above, none leads teens to find their value by comparing themselves to others. Somebody will always come along who is prettier, wealthier, smarter or more athletic. That’s inevitable.

Our teens’ self-esteem must come from their knowledge of who Jesus is and from the assurance of His love and care. Parents have the privilege of emphasizing these truths as they model acceptance, forgiveness and love. These truths provide lasting purpose and clear direction even to those traversing the heady and often challenging years of adolescence.

Alex McFarland has been ministering to youth and their parents for 20 years, and is author of the STAND series of devotional books for teens.

There is no doubt; it is very challenging to parent our kids in today’s society. It seems like every where we turn; there is an attack on what we as Christians believe our family values should be. The world says the opposite of what we are trying to instill in our kids. It is so important to encourage our kids with words of kindness, encouragement, love, praise, and the truth of who they are in Jesus. But one thing we as parents can give our children is a marriage that reflects and reveals who God is. Our parenting starts with our relationship with Jesus, and our relationship as husband and wife. We owe our children a loving, forgiving, and secure home. Like I said before, “Our kids are watching and learning, not by what we say, but by what we do.” I have learned this over the years.

My wife and I have a 22 year old son who is married and has blessed us with a beautiful granddaughter and a 14 year old and a 6 year old daughter. I have seen a difference in all their lives as my wife and I (especially myself) have learned to love, encourage, affirm, and create an environment where it is OK to fail or make a mistake. This builds trust with our kids, (don't get me wrong, we still need to discipline our kids and there are consequences for poor choices). Just like our Daddy in heaven creates for us. With Him, we are not reminded of our past failures or our imperfection. We are reminded how much He loves us and how we are created in His image.

So when we establish trust; when our kids know that we won’t fly off the deep end through growing pains, they will be more likely to come to us in times of confusion, times of peer pressure, and times of trouble. We haven’t always got it right, but our God is full of grace and compassion. He gives us the wisdom and discernment to raise our kids. I know there will be bumps in the road and we will make mistakes as parents, but we must continue to model Jesus and love, encourage, affirm, and create a secure home for our kids, no matter what age they are.

Mark Soto

May Family Picnic

2010-05-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

Eden Rockers know how to relax and have fun! Thanks for coming out today. It was wonderful to see so many of our families out enjoying the beautiful day and rich fellowship! (and you can never go wrong with passing around cookies!)

Thanks Daddies for playing ball with the kids.

It was such a joyful noise to hear the happy shouting and laughter!

And a SHOUT OUT goes to Mark and Raquel who celebrated their wedding anniversary today! Have a blessed, romantic, and abundant year Soto Family!!!

"I Love You More Than..."

2010-05-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this article with all you Dad's. I recommend you go to http://www.fathers.com for encouraging articles for dad's. I pray this will bless you, motivate you, and encourage you with your kids. Remember, it is not too late to connect with our kids. When you think about it, we only have them for such a short period of their lives. It blows me away when I look at my son to see him already a husband and father. So take advantage of the time you have with them. Let them know how much you love them. I know I have blown it at times, but I have learned not to dwell on past mistakes and to make the best of now and the future.

Mark Soto

Not long ago, a reader of this weekly email named Tom sent us an encouraging message. He took our suggestions on expressing love to his children and made them his own. He wrote:
Recently, I read in your [email] about how to connect with your small child. I got down on my five-year-old's bed and told her, "Do you know that I love you wider than an airplane's wings?" "Do you know that I love you more than Mama Kangaroo loves the little baby in her pouch?" "Do you know that I love you more times than all the leaves on all the trees in our yard?" Later, she told me with a beaming smile, "Dad, I love when you tell me those things."
To Think About ...
Great things can happen when a dad thinks creatively and expresses his heart to his child. And maybe there's a nugget here that you can apply with your children. What's in your heart for your child? During those moments when you feel pride or love or joy welling up because you have great kids or you grasp the privilege of being a dad, how do you express it? Those moments might not happen every day, but look for them and relay your feelings to your child.
Maybe, like Tom, you can share a meaningful word picture, or renew your commitment to spend regular time with your child. Bonus hugs are always a good idea. And every kid wants to hear their dad say something like, "I thought of you today, and it really felt good." Too often, we dads don't feel comfortable sharing our emotions, but we need to overcome that, and one of these ideas could be a good place to start.

Championship Fathering

A Barrier To Prayer

2010-05-13T13:03:00.000-07:00

So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.— Matthew 5:23–24

An unforgiving Christian is an oxymoron. If you are a Christian, then you must forgive, because forgiven people are forgiving people. Therefore, you cannot be an unforgiving Christian. And if you want your prayers to be answered in the affirmative, then you must forgive others. Jesus gave this command: "If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God" (Matthew 5:23–24).Jesus also taught us to pray, "And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us . . . (Luke 11:4). We need to learn to forgive, because we are all flawed. We will sin against people, and people will sin against us. Husbands will offend their wives, and wives will offend their husbands. Parents will offend their children, and children will offend their parents. Family members will offend one another. Friends will offend one another. So we must choose to forgive. We must determine not to let those offenses keep us from communion and fellowship with God.It may be that someone has really hurt you. You may even have every right to be angry and bitter. But do you know who gets hurt the most when you harbor anger and hostility and vengeful thoughts toward someone? You do. And not only that, you are cutting yourself off from fellowship with God. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to "be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. . . ."When God forgave you, did you deserve to be forgiven? Does the person who hurt you deserve to be forgiven? Forgive anyway. Based on God's love and grace, we should forgive.
Greg Laurie

After Church Hospitality

2010-05-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Come join us!

Mark and Gana enjoying coffee, fruit, and biscotti

after Sunday morning service.

Have you been enjoying the hospitality after church on Sunday mornings? If you haven't checked it out yet, please come see us under the white tent right outside Ambassador Auditorium! We have organic coffee and fruit and the best biscotti outside Italy!

If you are looking for a way to get involved at HRock and with other Eden Rock families, please consider volunteering once a month! It's easy and it's fun!

Date Night Pics!

2010-05-11T16:39:00.001-07:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

May 10: It's National Wear Your Apron Day!

2010-05-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing my apron.

It's about more than keeping clean while cooking dinner. It's a subtle celebration of womanhood.

It's claiming (or reclaiming) a domain almost lost in our society. This domain--home, we call it--has been surrendered piece by piece to fast food joints, social clubs, satellite TV, internet, smart phones, and a million little devices and appliances that claim to to make our lives easier. And yet the hub of all life--the home, has been whittled away. It's scarce these days for families to sit around a table eating a home cooked meal, having engaging conversation, and priceless bonding. Table linens and the good china are brought out only on special occassions and sometimes not even then. Where are the cosy little nooks where mother and child snuggle together with a good book? Where are the lazy afternoons laying on the lawn together, looking at the clouds? Where do the young people go when they need a good cry? Do they bury their faces in Mama's apron and know somehow that everything will be OK?

I wear my apron with pride. It's my way of saying it's OK--in fact, it's more than OK, it's great!--to be "just a housewife." I get to wipe the tears and bind up broken hearts. I get to make messes in the kitchen and clean them up. I get to wipe up spills and sweep crumb-covered floors. I get to clean up after some fantastic little people who are worthy of all my hard work. They are princes and priests and I am sowing seeds into the harvest of their greatness. I am blessed to be able to have a place that is mine--to express myself in all the details, all the nooks and crannies. A vase of flowers here. A piece of homemade art there.

This apron is my uniform. It says that I am on duty.

What other profession in the world allows one the freedom of full expression? What other profession lets you change directions in the middle of a project? Let's put away the math books and bake some cookies. What other profession pays you in the early morning warmth of a cuddly child who smells so sweet? Can anything be compared to a child reaching into your apron pocket looking for a toy, a piece of gum, or a sticker and then looking up to you with eyes that say, "Thanks Mom" even if his lips don't?

I am a woman.

I am a housewife.

I am a cultural revoluationary.

I am ready and on duty.

When I put on my apron I feel empowered.

Not all superheroes wear capes. Some wear aprons.

How Amazing She Is!!!

2010-05-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

I am married to an amazing woman, an amazing wife, and an amazing mother and grandmother. I watch my wife as she gives of her self time and time again. I am in awe of her heart of giving. I know how much God loves me, when I think about the wife He blessed me with. I just want to honor my wife this day, on Mother’s Day.
I want to say thank you babe for loving me where I am at. For having the patience to deal with me and for holding back what I deserved when I have failed you as your husband. You are an amazing mother to our children. Your love is never ending, even when you are tired or at your wits end. I have learned so much from you by just watching you with our children. You have taught me to really think before I speak, especially when I am angry. You have always encouraged me to spend individual time with our children. I am a better father today because of you.
You have such a mothering heart. It is so obvious when I see young women who just want to be around you or come to you for advice. People tell me how much they love you. I am so proud to be your husband. I want to encourage you as a wife and a mother. I may not say it enough, but you are doing an amazing job as a mother. And to see the impact you have made in Ana’s (our Daughter-in-law) life is amazing. What a difference in her character as a wife and mother. You are teaching her so much through your example. I know you don’t give your self enough credit, but you deserve it more than you think.
You are also the hottest Grandma I know. Our Granddaughter Aubrey is so blessed to have you as her Grandmother. When I look at our son and our daughter’s, I see your heart in them. God has used you tremendously in our children. Thank you for being so transparent with us. For allowing us into your heart. I love you so much. If I had to do it all over again, I would marry you again, and again. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Love,
Mark (your hubby)

Mothering

2010-05-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

It seems that mothering has fallen on hard times. This wonderful noble vocation has not only lost a lot of respect (ever heard someone say they were "just a mom"?) it's become more and more difficult--or so it seems.

According to Save The Children's Mothers Index the United States is not the easiest place to be a mother. In fact, the U.S. rates number 28--under many other developed countries including the Baltic states, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania; and eastern and central European states such as Croatia and Slovenia. What sort of things effect a country's score? Things like access to health care, enrollment in preschools, length and pay of maternity leave and access to birth control. (To see the whole index for 2010, click here.)

In all my motherhood struggles, I cannot say that my having (or not having, as it were) health insurance, having (or not having, as it were) my children enrolled in preschool, having (or not having, as it were) maternity leave and using (or not using) birth control have ever been factors in what made the struggle harder.

What are my greatest challenges? How to find time to spend intimate time with the Lord, because every time I sit down with my Bible and a cup of tea there is another diaper that needs to be changed. Questioning whether or not I'm giving each child enough one-on-one time. Striking and constantly readjusting the balance of discipline.....how much is too much and how much is too little? Finding time to honor my marriage with special one-on-one time aside from children and when I find the time talking about something other than the children. Saturdays filled with dentist appointments, dog to the vet, groceries and errands leaving me too tired to fold the laundry on the couch. Wanting to connect with each child, honoring their individuality and special gifts, and feeling guilty when I know I've blown it.

Is mothering really more difficult than it was in the past? Of that I'm not sure. I know it is when I start using the world's scales to do evaluations of my mothering. You know that arbitrary and completely artificial list we all have in our minds somewhere. Never lose your temper, three square meals a day with no repeats in a week, clean house, manicured lawn, children involved in community activities, Awanas, piano lessons and sports, keep up with correspondance, teach the children manners, fingerpaint with the kids, volunteer for several church activities and committees, go on all school field trips, spend time with your husband with enough energy intimacy at night, and in all this find time to stay fit! When I hold my mothering up to that I feel like I am failing. But, when I come into the grace of God and look to His Word for what my role is, I know that I am more than able in Him!

A friend once shared with me her philosophy of parenting, "My job," she said, "is to be a steward of my child's journey." I love that.

I am to instruct my children in the ways the of the Lord, cover them in prayer, show them love and model for them a life lived passionately with integrity. And remember grace. I need to show my kids how to extend grace to others by first extending it to myself.

Breathe. Deeply.

Grace. God has already provided everything I need. Inhale.

I cannot earn His love by my good works or good mothering. Exhale.

I have to trust that when I fall short, God librally makes up the difference. Breathe in grace.

I have to let go of the desire to appear perfect. Breathe out grace.

I have to decide that Jesus has already acheived the standard and that I stand complete in Him. Deeper and deeper.

Learn to say "no" to some things so that I can say an ethusiastic "yes" to the best things. Yes, Lord.

I can forgive others for their imperfections, becuase I stand forgiven for mine. Joy.

And if I can accept these truths for myself, I can teach my children to accept them, too.

The United States may rank number 28 in the Mother's Index, but the Lord stands number 1 as a Father. And He is teaching me how to parent by parenting me.

Taking The 'I' Out Of Marriage

2010-05-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

Selflessness is not a marriage strategy but a heart transformation in Christ.
by Clem Boyd
It was late Sunday night. Julia had slipped into something more comfortable. I could hear water running and smell scented soap. I knew what she was up to, and I loved her for it — she was cleaning the kitchen.
This is usually one of my household duties. After a weekend of nonstop activity, it would be understandable if Julia just plopped down and rested. Instead, she chose to clean the dirtiest room in the house — for the sake of the family.
Acts of sacrifice, sprinkled freely throughout a marriage, make love richer and deeper. We know that, so what's the problem with doing it? Self.
Self constantly asks for more: What about my needs? What about my hurts? What about my time? Sacrificial love challenges us to give to our spouse in uncomfortable or unreasonable ways — ways that cost us emotion, time and pride.
If we pray to become more selfless, God will act. But self-giving love as a regular virtue in marriage means that we deal with some tough questions:
How can I love this way when I'm feeling unloved?For newlyweds, giving comes easier. After a few months, though, we need renewable motivation to maintain selflessness for our husband or wife, in spite of the cost to ourselves. Selflessness has to start with turning to Jesus.
Through Christ, we are promised God's love forever. To be selfless requires thinking about how God's love for us cost Him His Son. How can we apply this type of selflessness to loving our spouse?
Why put myself out when my spouse is acting like a jerk?What better time is there? Jesus didn't wait till we became more kind or thoughtful before He died for us. He did it while we were still selfish and uncaring. This same extraordinary kind of love, shown in small acts of generous behavior, will improve your marriage.
One of the most selfless things about Julia is the way she listens when I'm a jerk. Recently, I was pretty negative about a youth ministry we're involved in. It was hard for her to hear that I questioned why I was doing this outreach, that it felt burdensome, that I thought it was really more her thing than my thing.
Julia didn't respond in anger. She listened, expressed her feelings and prayed quietly. She offered a gentle answer that settled my wrath, allowing me to think through the real problem. (As much as I love working with kids, it drains me.)
What's the difference between selflessness and passively letting my spouse get his or her way?My friend Martha Manikas-Foster puts it this way: "Selflessness costs something dear, and conflict avoidance protects something dear. When my husband David became more willing to work out conflicts, putting aside his natural tendencies to avoid them, then I saw he was being selfless."
Often I'll find ways to care for Julia, but if it means discussing a problem and enduring the intense discussion that might ensue, I avoid it. The most loving thing I should do is pray about it, talk about it and stop pretending it's not there.
How can I love my spouse more when I feel as though I'm giving so much already?You may feel overwhelmed with work, kids and church. How can you do something extra for your spouse?
When I'm out of energy, I admit it to God, then my weakness becomes a conduit for divine strength. Maybe I'm extra tired, and Julia asks me to rub her back. So I pray, God, give me energy.
Other times we may want to be the giver but won't admitour own needs. Occasionally, the most selfless thing we can do is to acknowledge feeling overwhelmed and articulate our inadequacies.
• • •
Selflessness is not a marriage strategy but a heart transformation in Christ. "Jesus defines selflessness from the Incarnation to Calvary, so to be selfless is to identify with Him," says Martha's husband, David. "The point is to value your spouse so much that her best really is your goal."

A Mother's Vital Role

2010-04-29T21:22:00.001-07:00

"A mother plays a vital role as the primary interpreter of a father's personality, character and integrity to their children. She can either help them bond together in love, or she can become a wedge that keeps them apart."

(Dr. Dobson in Parenting Isn't For Cowards)

April Date-Your-Mate Winners!

2010-04-27T14:15:00.001-07:00

Big CONGRATULATIONS go out to Steve and Elizabeth Bates for winning April's Date-Your-Mate Giveaway!!! What did they do on their winning date? Went out for Brazilian food and shopping!

Steve and Elizabeth were college sweetheart, meeting at InterVarsity! They were friends for 2 years, dated for 4 years, engaged for 1 year and have been married for 13 years. Been making history together for 20 years!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

In their own words:

Q. Elizabeth, what do you love most about Steve?

Elizabeth: I love Steve for his gentleness, trustworthiness, loyalty, love for God, compassionate heart, total ability to tear up easily and unashamed about it, which by the way, is one very attractive thing I find in him (once we were watching Homeward Bound in a movie theater, a story about dogs and cats who talk? Well, I had my head on his shoulder and suddenly, I felt 'raindrops' on my head. I looked up, there were huge drops of tears rolling down his eyes...awwwww...such a gentle giant, my Stevie); and not forgetting his good looks and his absolute unconditional love towards Judah and Sophia. The way he loves on our kids melts my heart every time and makes me fall in love with him over and over again.

Q. Steve, what do you love most about Elizabeth?

Steve: I love Liz for her tender heart and her selfless servanthood toward others. She's an awesome mommy for my kids, creative, and organized, which keeps me balanced and on schedule. She is my beautiful wife and a woman of honor whom I trust completely.

Q. What is your favorite kind of date? What do you do when you go out?

Elizabeth: Before kids, it was the non-crunch times where Steve just hung around me while I shopped, followed by dinner and a movie. I loved that. After kids, honestly? When the babysitter comes, I'm absolutely ecstatic to venture anywhere and do anything away from the kids for a bit, with my Stevie! =)

Steve: Dinner and a movie.

Q. Share at least one piece of marriage advice or encouragement.

Elizabeth: The humility to walk over to each other after an argument (even though you really don't feel like it), reach out and touch, muster enough sincerity to say, "I'm sorry (for whatever part you were responsible for). Please forgive me and I love you. We can talk about it again, but for now, let's move on, okay?" To me, those words and that humble act in and of itself draws in a spirit of reconciliation and peace. Easier said than done, but I'm a strong believer in it for any married couple! =)

Steven: Dying to self and giving up pride. Learning how to listen and being humble as a husband.

What did they win?

An autographed copy of Real Life Marriage by Tim and Anne Evans! We've recommended this resource in past (read it here) and are thrilled that Tim and Anne graciously donated it to our giveaway!

The Evans Family

From their website: "Life is about story. Take a retired Chicago-suburban fire chief, a nurse, thirty-plus years of marriage, six adult children, four grandkids, one dog and what do you have? The story of a Real Life marriage and family."

Please avail yourself to this great resource!!

We have some great prizes coming up next month as well. So, get out there and DATE YOUR MATE!!!! Time spent with your spouse makes you a winner every time! And you get a chance to win a fun prize from Eden Rock as well! (For the details on the giveaway, click here.)

Love Is...Positive

2010-04-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 4:8- “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

One of the things I love about my wife is that she’s persistent. If she gets something in mind, she makes it happen. One of the things that irritates me about her is her stubbornness. What’s the difference between persistence and stubbornness? When she pushes her persistence too far. Or from my perspective, whether I agree or disagree with what she’s doing!
I can’t love stubborn people. If Karen’s vacuuming the floor, and I step in front of her to get a hug, if I’m not careful, I’ll get sucked up in the vacuum. She’s completely on task.
If I see that stubbornness (the negative characteristic) it becomes difficult for me to love her. If I focus on the persistence (the positive side) and remember that this is part of what I love in her, not only do I nurture and grow what’s positive in her, but I nurture and grow my character too.
How do we best do that? The apostle Paul tells us: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
We need to concentrate on things that are the best, not the worst.
Michael Systma in Marriage Partnership

Bonus Reading: 1 John 4:7-16, 20-21

My Response: One attribute or character trait I appreciate most about my spouse is…

I can relate to this story. My wife can also be persistent herself. When I got home from work this morning, I crawled into bed with my wife to cuddle. I laid there with her for about a half an hour, and when she woke up, the first thing she said was, “I got to do laundry”. For me I’m thinking about just sitting and sipping on my coffee, and enjoying talking with my wife. But I realize how she is wired. I know if she doesn’t start the laundry first thing, she will not be able to sit and enjoy her coffee. And by the way, I too have almost been sucked up by the vacuum. I know to just stay out of the way. If my wife’s thoughts were a computer screen, she would have multiple windows open, and she would be thinking about all of them at one time. As for me, I usually have one window open at a time, and if I have a second one open, it is usually minimized. So what I’m trying to say is that I used to get frustrated about my wife having to do some chores first thing in the morning, but I’ve come to appreciate how she takes care of things immediately. I’m a procrastinator, so I love that my wife handles things right then and there. And there are times that I could easily look at the negative side of it, but I choose to see how God created her, and it is amazing. And likewise, my wife knows how I enjoy our coffee time in the morning before anybody else wakes up, so she will do what she needs to do and sit with me so we can stay connected. So the next time you are irritated with your spouse, ask God to show you how to focus on their positive character traits. Imagine if God only focused on our negative traits.

Mark Soto

What Should Be A Father's Top Prioity?

2010-04-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Not every dad will agree on what belongs in the No. 1 spot, but I’m convinced that one goal should be near the top of every father’s list: modeling God’s character.
Many of our children’s ideas about God will be based on their relationship with us. If children grow up with an earthly father who is absent or emotionally distant, it will be much more difficult for them to view God as an actively involved heavenly Father. If a dad is overly harsh and rigid, his children will likely see God as a judge who is quick to punish their sins. On the other hand, if a dad is engaged and loving, his children will more readily put their faith in a God who cares for them.
Whether we like it or not, our fathering will create impressions about God for our children, and it’s up to us to make the most of our opportunities. We have great potential here. We can model qualities that will allow our children to have a more accurate picture of God’s character.
At first blush, this task seems impossible. After all, none of us come close to matching God’s perfection. My dad was not perfect either, but he made God vivid to me by how he treated me. He was not condescending or negative; I respected him, and I learned to respect God.
How can we show our kids what God is like? Consider the attributes of God: He is love. He is just. He is merciful. He is slow to anger. He is available. God protects and provides. Does that sound like the kind of father you want to be? No doubt, that’s the kind of father your kids need.
Make every effort to reflect the character of God in your life-which means you should get to know Him. Then you’ll be able to give your children a glimpse of who God is as their Father.

Carey Casey is CEO of the National Center for Fathering
and the author of Championship Fathering

I know it can be challenging to father our children in today’s society. It seems like we have an uphill battle. Every where we turn, we seem to deal with a world that wants to redefine what the family is. God created family, and God created us in His own image and likeness. And He created us as father’s to reflect and reveal who God is to our children. Like I’ve said before, He is not looking for perfect parents, or perfect fathers. He is looking for father’s who are after His heart and want to love like Him. To be just and merciful like Him. To protect and provide like Him. To be available to our spouse and children and to be slow to anger like Jesus taught us through His example.
Yes we will make mistakes, we will blow it with our kids, and we will put our foot in our mouths from time to time. It is O.K.; God doesn’t keep a record of our goof ups. But we need to learn from our mistakes and allow God to change us in those areas that we seem to repeat over, and over again. You can do it. I know I have and I continue to learn as a father, a husband, and as a child of my Daddy in heaven. So this is for all of us dads, whether you are a new dad, a seasoned veteran, or a dad to be. LET’S BE MORE LIKE HIM!
Mark Soto

Learn To Take Advantage!

2010-04-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

I’ve been learning to take advantage of the times my teenage daughter chooses to open up and talk. In the past I would make a comment of her lack of communication towards my wife and I. I so badly wanted to just talk to her the way we used to. When she was younger she would talk, and talk, and talk. I regret I didn’t take more advantage of those times in her younger years. My daughter is 14 years old now, and sometimes I wonder who this person is living with me. I would try to force a conversation or nag her to share her day, but I have come to realize that if I give her the space and time she needs, she will open up. I try my best to become a listener and just enjoy those moments. When I would try to fix her situation or make some comment, it would only shut her down. So now I have become a listener, and when the time is right I will give her some fatherly advice in a loving way. I truly have a peace about her teenage years. I know that God has a purpose for her life. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like she only talks on her terms, but when my wife and I give her space and time to open up it is so much more intimate and we connect more with her. There are times where I would wonder if I am doing a good job as her father. I know I am and I will make mistakes or say or do the wrong thing, but I have learned to humble myself and seek forgiveness with God and with my children. It was my birthday yesterday and my daughter wrote me a letter. It was very moving to hear her tell me that I am doing a great job and to keep doing what I’m doing. It brought tears to my eyes. So I know as we go through the teenage years there will be times my daughter may not want to talk or share what’s on her heart. But I do know if we as parents just ask God to give us grace and peace to just give them time to open up when they are ready; it will be well worth it. Even if is for a brief moment, it will bring you closer to your children and you will build trust with them. I have seen the difference in my daughter since I have learned to shut up and listen. There is a movie called the Notebook. It is about a love story of a man and his wife. The movie starts out in a convalescent hospital and then it goes back and tells the story of their life together. Well the later stages of their life the wife has Alzheimer’s, and she is in a convalescent hospital. The husband comes to visit her everyday even though she doesn’t know who he is most of the time. But she has moments where she regains her memory and recognizes her husband. They talk and dance and he just enjoys the moments with her before she forgets once again who he is. It is amazing how faithful he is, he doesn’t try to force his wife to remember. He knows if he does he will only push her away. He took advantage of those times when she remembered who he was. Now I’m not saying my daughter has Alzheimer’s, but I am saying that I do need to take advantage of those times when my daughter is ready to open up and share her heart with me. I want to be a faithful listener and studier of my daughter. I know as she grows and matures, she will open up more and let us in as parents. We have already been through the teenage years with our son, and we have a great relationship today. And I still have my little 6 year old daughter who just loves to talk. I appreciate it more than I ever did before. I know there are times when we are tired, pre-occupied, have chores to do around the house, or maybe involved in ministry, but I tell you to take advantage of those talking years. You don’t want to regret it in their teenage years. Your kids will go through some years of trying to find their identity, or independence from you, but hang in there. It will get better, and you can build a trust with them during these times if you are patient and learn to listen. It doesn’t mean they can do what they want, we still need to discipline, but we need to let them know we will be their for them when they need us. Hang in there and take advantage of those times when they open up and allow you into their lives. It will be an investment into your children that will always pay out.

Mark Soto

What Does A Healthy, Successful Marriage Look Like?

2010-04-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

What does a healthy, successful marriage look like? It mirrors the love of God.Hosea 14:4-8.
For many people, the word commitment has such drudgery attached to it. They picture someone saying, "I'm staying in this marriage whether I like it or not!"
But the Book of Hosea shows a different kind of commitment. God's commitment is proactive. Even though he was rejected by Israel, God took the first step to heal the breach. What a combination of initiative and gentleness! When you disagree with your spouse, it may be difficult to be the first to let go of the anger and offer reconciliation. But this is how relationships survive and thrive—someone takes the first step, approaches the other, pulls the relationship out of a standstill, and moves forward.
And God didn't stop with just the approach. He also promised rewards if the people would turn back to him: that they'd blossom like lilies, spread with the span of an olive tree, relax in his shade, and enjoy the blossoms in a vineyard. Committed love pays attention to the rewards of married life—the beauty of brief words well said, the colorful depth of passion, the easy side-by-side of sitting on the porch at night, the sharing of a vivid sunset.
A healthy, successful marriage mirrors the full-service love of God. It searches out the loved one—and finds joy in the details of living together as a couple. (See also Genesis 2:18-23; Exodus 32:11-14; Song of Solomon 8:5-7; Acts 18; Hebrews 13:4.)

Good Words to Remember:
I will heal their backsliding. I will love them freely, for my anger has turned away from him. Hosea 14:4

Today's Challenge:
Does your marriage resemble the full-service love of God? If so, how? If not, why not

God's Master Plan

2010-04-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

A while back, I was asked, "Who crucified Jesus?" Maybe the question should be, "Who didn't crucify Jesus?"The religious leaders played their part, as did Judas, Pilate, and, of course, the actual soldiers who put the nails in His hands and feet. Satan played his part too, but here's something else to consider—God the Father killed Jesus.The Bible says that "it pleased the Lord to bruise Him" (Isaiah 53:10 NKJV). This means the crucifixion of Jesus was not a mistake. Nor was it an afterthought.It was part of God's plan from the very beginning. Before there was a solar system, a planet called Earth, a garden called Eden, or a couple known as Adam and Eve, a decision was made in the councils of eternity that God Himself would come to Earth as a man and would go to a cross and die in the place of all sinners.Why? So that humanity could be put into contact with God. Jesus came to Earth to purchase back what was lost in the Garden of Eden. He came to buy back the title deed to Earth. He came to die on a cross for our sins.Humanity's worst mistake was, at the same time, God's master plan.The Bible says, "He suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone" (Hebrews 2:9 NIV). In His own words, He came to give His life as a ransom for many (see Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:45).In other words, Jesus was born to die so that we might live. The purpose of the Incarnation was for our atonement. The birth of Jesus was for the death of Jesus.As He prayed facedown in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knew that Judas Iscariot was on his way there with the temple guard. He knew the physical pain that awaited Him. He knew they would punch Him, rip His beard from His face, and tear His back open with a whip. He knew they would nail Him to a cross.But worst of all, He knew he would have to bear the sin of the entire world. When Jesus pierced the darkness with his cry from the cross, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?"—meaning, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"—I believe that, at that moment, he was bearing the sins of the world: past, present, and future.He was dying as a substitute for others. The guilt of our sins was imputed to Him, and He was suffering the punishment for those sins on our behalf.Why did this have to happen?God was punishing Jesus as though He had personally committed every wicked deed by every wicked sinner. And in so doing, He could forgive and treat those redeemed ones as if they had lived Christ's perfect life of righteousness.This is called justification. It is not just merely the removal of sin. It is the imputing of the righteousness of Christ to those who put their faith in him. That is what happened when Jesus hung on the cross.And Scripture clearly teaches there was a moment when the sin of the world was placed on Jesus: "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree" (1 Peter 2:24 NIV).So, as tragic as the death of Jesus was, on this day we remember that it really is, in effect, very good!Jesus was forsaken by God for a time that you might enjoy His presence forever. Jesus entered the darkness that you might walk in the light.
Greg Laurie

Good Friday Event!

2010-04-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

Please join us tomorrow, GOOD FRIDAY, 7pm at Ambassador Auditorium, Fire Carpet!

We will be showing The Passion of the Christ, remembering together what makes Good Friday SO GOOD!

There will be activities and a separate movie for children--along with worship and a snack! So bring the whole family!

Marriage & Money

2010-03-31T14:45:00.000-07:00

The minivan was loaded down with suitcases, sunscreen and disposable cameras. One thing Mary and Bob forgot to bring to Disneyland, though, was financial communication.
Mary had convinced Bob to take this family vacation. They made plans for the trip, but in their minds, the plans looked different. Bob decided the family would carry sandwiches into the park and would most certainly not buy gifts and souvenirs. Unfortunately, he didn’t let his wife know. Mary hoped they could enjoy their vacation without worrying about a tight budget, but she didn’t voice her expectations to Bob, either.
Because of their lack of communication, the entire family was miserable, and the main goal of enjoying a fun, memorable vacation was thwarted. If Bob and Mary had only known how to be more honest and open about their financial decisions, their costly trip to California could have been worth every penny.
This story is all too common. In fact, most couples are able to recount similar experiences of poor financial communication. Talking about money doesn’t always come naturally, but the following tips can make the process a little easier:
-Identify each other’s money personality.Your money personality is the way you naturally tend to handle money. It is not a skill
such as making a budget or balancing a checkbook, but rather a predisposition toward finances. For example, you might be a spender, saver, risk taker or security seeker. As you identify money personalities, avoid making value judgments. No personality is more desirable than another, and each has its own strengths and weaknesses.
-Do a money dump.
Lay out all your thoughts and concerns about money. Talk about what each person is bringing to the table as far as debt, spending habits, future financial goals, and so on.
If one person is ruining your credit score, address the issue. If one of you is frustrated at having to report to the other about each coffee purchase, talk about it.
In short, get it all out.
-Have frequent money huddles.You need to talk regularly about finances. Even if one person is managing the money, both spouses need to give input about budgeting and spending.
It is also wise to set a limit on how much each of you can spend without the other’s approval. This keeps you both accountable and reduces surprises on bank statements.
As your financial communication improves, money woes and marital tension can be sent packing, creating a more blissful home.

Bethany and Scott Palmer are financial advisors and the authors of “First Comes Love, Then Comes Money”. For more financial resources from the Palmers, Visit themoneycouple.com.

UPCOMING EVENTS!!!

2010-03-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

Attention Eden Rock Families!!! We have some GREAT things coming up and you will not want to miss out!!!

1. GOOD FRIDAY!

Our next Eden Rock meeting is GOOD FRIDAY! So, to encourage Family Time for Easter, we are hosting a special Good Friday service. Same time, different location! So, take note! We will meet at Ambassador Auditorium at 7pm on Friday, April 2nd. The grown-ups will be watching The Passion of The Christ together and the children will be watching The Jesus Film and having special Easter Themed crafts. Please bring your whole family and invite your friends!!!

2. Calling all CAMPERS!

September 16-19, Carpentaria State Beach. Get away for a few days with your family for a relaxing time tent-camping by the beach! $85 per family. SPACE IS VERY LIMITED! So register right away! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE! Register with The Sotos or The Gombojavs.

3. DATE YOUR MATE! At the April 2nd meeting we will draw names for April's DATE YOUR MATE giveaway! This months prize is AWESOME! And autographed copy of Real Life Marriage by Tim and Anne Evans! (We blogged about this book here) If you haven't entered our giveaway in the past, click here and you can read the fine print. Basically, just let us know if you went on a date with your spouse and we'll enter you! A winner is randomly drawn from all entries. Our prize vault is growing. So, enter!!!! And tell your friends. You do not have to be an Eden Rock attendee to participate!!!

SEE YOU SOON!!!!

March Winners!

2010-03-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

With their date of a movie and homemade cookies, Rex and Chuie Nishimura have won our Date-Your-Mate Giveaway for March! Rex and Chuie have been married for almost 13 years and have three beautiful children whom they homeschool! When asked how they balance marriage and parenting they said, "We compliment each other well. He likes to plan and research trips. I make sure we bring what we need on the trips." It's fitting that they go to H-Rock, because rocks just happen to be their passion, as you'll see in their slideshow! ENJOY!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

So, what did they win? Two (count 'em, TWO) CD's from H-Rock's very own, Kenny Peavy!!!

If you've been to H-Rock, you already know and love Kenny's music! Where can you get your hands (or ears) on Kenny's music besides Sunday mornings at H-Rock? Introducing Kenny's new website: http://www.kennypeavy.com/! There you can see pictures, listen to the music, link to his Twitter and Facebook pages, and most importantly order a CD! His CDs can also be purchased through the church's website.

Don't forget to visit all our Date-Your-Mate sponsors by clicking on their buttons on the sidebar!

We have some amazing prizes collecting in our prize vault! So, get out there and date! Even if you don't win, you win, because time with your Love is an investment in your marriage!

Some good parenting advice, too late

2010-03-14T18:46:00.001-07:00

Never Stop Studying

2010-03-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

We have been married almost 10 years.

When we first got married Gana worked for a construction company and had to set out in the morning at the ungodly hour of 5am! I used to get up and make him breakfast which he would never really eat. Finally he just asked me to make him a piece of toast and coffee.

I took this to mean that he was not a big breakfast eater.

So, I never really made him breakfast. The kids eat oatmeal most mornings (which Meg makes). I eat with them, drinking tea or coffee. He eats toast or pan dulce or something like that and has a cup of coffee before work.

That is until recently. I was sitting with him watching TV and a commercial came on for some fastfood breakfast sandwich. He said, "That looks good." I replied with, "What? You don't eat breakfast." He replied with, "That's because you don't make it." I replied with, "That's because you don't like breakfast!" He replied with "How did you get that idea?!"

Rewind..................

Turns out his rejections of my breakfasts when we first got married were not because he hated breakfast, but more because he hated 5am. Turns out he likes breakfast and wishes I would make him a more interesting breakfast each morning.

Just goes to show you, even after you've been married a while, don't stop learning about your mate! Don't assume you know him or her. I bet there are a few assumptions you have about your spouse that could be challenged.

Have fun studying your spouse. I'm off to fry some sausage and eggs.

How We Love!

2010-03-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

1 John 4:7-8

God's Love and Ours

7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Last month was a tough month for me. I was in a real funk and couldn’t get out of it. I was getting really frustrated with myself. I kept asking God what was going on. I was short tempered with my wife and kids. I felt irritable (my wife asked if I was going through PMS). She was joking of course, but I didn’t have an answer. My patience was not there. I found myself complaining about things I normally would not complain about. Then one morning my wife and I woke up to have our coffee and were watching Joyce Meyer on television. She was talking about our trials that we go through. She mentioned that God doesn’t always tell why we are going through our trials or funk in my case, but to ask Him to give us the strength to get through it. I stopped asking why and started asking God for His grace, patience, and to give me strength to get through what I was going through. I also had accountability partners and my supportive wife to open up to. Then one morning I was reading through my daily devotional and it lead me to 1 John 4. I realized I was not representing who Jesus is in me. I was not very loving during that month. I like to say that I knew my wife loved me, but she really didn’t like me during that time. Right after that I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt a sense of freedom. I felt the love of my Daddy fill me again. I realize that we need to love, even when we are struggling. I know sometimes it is easier said than done. Remember we love because He first loved us. It says whoever does not love, does not know God. I want to know God. I want to know how to please Him, to know His will for me, to know his deep love for me. Then I want to give it away to others. I know I will have my moments where I may drop the ball, but our Father picks us up, dusts us off, gives us a pat on our back, and says, I am proud of you and I love you. John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” We love one another with our words, with our actions, how we listen and empathize, but it starts with our relationship with our Daddy who created us in His image. Let’s love like Jesus loved us by dying on the cross for you and me.

Mark Soto

How To Be A Better Wife

2010-03-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

(From A Holy Experience.)

I ask him at the end of the trail, the end of the weekend, the end of fifteen years. I ask him before we set out again.

We sit under the oaks, green banners flying in the wind. There had been a pause in our passing of words back and forth and it was what I was really wondering, so I’d stepped out into the fear (who knows how’d he answer?) and just released the words, slow and quiet, one at a time.

“How could I be a better wife to you?”

His eyes hold me. Like he knew we were coming to this. This bare, unashamed place. Intimacy is only a possibility when we slip out of small talk and gently peel off a layer of the heart. The leaves wave.

I wait while he gathers thoughts, watch the trees in June blue. The curve of his hand cups mine, a sure warm wrapping.

And then he speaks softly, wind in leaves.

Read what this husband answers here. And may the grace of the covenant be yours today.

To make you laugh at yourself:

2010-02-24T15:49:00.000-08:00

February Winners!!!

2010-02-20T23:14:00.000-08:00

Robert and Kay Lee Fukui are our Eden Rock Date-Your-Mate winners for February with the entry of this adventurous date:

"Ok, our entry for this month's date was our vacation last week to Colorado for a ski vacation. We had a great time skiing and dog sledding. (see pictures on our Facebook) We ski'd during the day and hot tubbed at night! The afternoon after our dog sledding, we hung out at the spa and got massages, lunch, steam and jacuzzi. We got to get bundled up with hot chocolate and hang out in front of the fireplace! All in all, a romantic vacation if I do say so myself."

They win three CD's from Alpha Beth Ministries!

ABM's mission is Reaching People--Building Homes!

Pastors Gabe and Dorothy Abdelaziz

of Alpha Beth Ministries

(Daja's Daddy and Mommy!)

(click here to visit their website)

Robert and Kaylee met in June 2004 thanks to the internet! It was a Christian dating website. After chatting on the phone for a week, they met for dinner in Ventura at Eric Erickson's on the pier. Robert reminisces "I guess you could say the rest is history. Although I had to use all of my sales skills and charm to get her to commit to a second date." They got married May 13, 2006.

In their own words....

What do you love about your spouse?

Robert: I love the fact that she is very supportive and will stand up for me. I love that she is willing to listen even if I have nothing to say.

Kay Lee: My husband is the most supportive person that I know. I love how he takes the trash out with me not asking him. His honesty and committed heart is one of the many things that I feel in love with. He is a very hard worker.

Give your best piece of marriage advice:

Robert: Don't always feel the need to be right. You can be so wrong, even when you're right. Your relationship to your spouse is based on trust and support. If you're always worried about being right, your partner will not feel like your equal but your subordinate. Try looking at things through your spouses eyes every now and then. You never know, you might even like it.

Kay Lee: It is ok to say your sorry when it's not your fault. Most people want to be heard even though you might not agree with them. Serve your husband even when you don't feel like it. Brag to all who will listen what a great and wonderful husband that you have.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

CONGRATULATIONS MR. AND MRS. FUKUI!!!!!

And remember to Date-Your-Mate and then let us know that you did! And you may be randomly selected to win a cool prize!!!!

"She's My Wife!"

2010-02-16T15:38:00.000-08:00

A man’s wife had Alzheimer’s and had to be placed in a nursing home. Every day that husband would go to the nursing home and spend time with his wife. He would talk to her, read to her, comb her hair, and try to meet her various needs. Before he left her room, he would tell her he loved her and kissed her goodbye. He did this day after day, week after week, and month after month. He never missed a day. Often he would bring her fresh flowers.

After one of his daily visits, a group of nurses asked to meet with him. They spoke admiringly of him and told him that everyone was impressed with his faithfulness and the special way he cared for his wife.

“But we want you to know that you don’t need to come every day to see your wife,” the head nurse said gently. “She doesn’t know that you are here and doesn’t even know who you are. …There is absolutely no need for you to feel like you have to keep coming day after day.”

The husband lifted his head. Tears ran slowly down his cheek. In a quiet voice, he said, “I know she doesn’t know who I am, but I know who she is, and that’s what matters. She is my wife! Fifty years ago I made a covenant with her that I would never leave or forsake her and that I would be with her in sickness and in health. And I intend to keep that covenant.”

Fred Lowery in Covenant Marriage

Matthew 19: 4-6- “ Haven’t you read,” He replied (Jesus), “that at the beginning the Creator (God) ‘made them male and female, ‘ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united (joined) to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

After I read this story, I thought to myself, “This husband truly understands what the covenant of marriage is.”

It is an amazing testimony of one husbands love and commitment to his wife. When he said in sickness and in health, he really meant it. It is sad in today’s world; we don’t understand what a covenant is. It is not a contract that can be voided. A covenant in marriage is a lifetime commitment between husband and wife. It is non-negotionable. In Matthew 19 when the Pharisees tested Jesus on divorce, He takes them back to Genesis 2: 24-25. To leave and cleave was Gods’ command before the law. Before Moses allowed divorce due to the hardness of heart. God designed marriage to last a lifetime. To reflect and reveal who He is. I pray that we as Christians can get back to Gods’ original design of marriage. A covenant that will not be broken.

Even through all the hurt’s and disappointments, through sickness, through financial struggles, and through the attack’s of the enemy. Let no man and no circumstance separate what God has joined together.

Mark Soto

How To Really Fall In Love All Over Again

2010-01-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

(Love Affair by Andy Warhol)

After writing the post on Marital Drift and having the song by Erin O'Donnell speak so deeply to my soul, the Lord brought this post before me.

I share an excerpt, but the whole piece is definitely worth your time.

"Funny, how love, this thing muscular and the only eternal, this bridge between our souls, it will sag sorely under pressure, love can’t bear the weight of our expectations, cracking at the joists where I slam foot in demand, where I peer laser sharp in the over analysis. Our bridge has near split, swayed and only grace saves us.

The days and the years, they teach me the startling; love can’t be strong-armed by the tongue. Love isn’t a function of communication. Love’s a function of connection; the gentle whoosh and rush of the blood through the veins, the tender connecting of the one flesh.

Poor communication doesn’t disconnect souls. It’s the disconnected souls who poorly communicate. I am learning.

Words may only magnify the fractures.

It’s the souls that laugh.

That let eyes linger and the fingertips meet, that find their way back to the beginning and share the values and the relive the memory and the flame every morning. How we first fell and ignited. Can I call that place home?"

Read the rest here.

Towards the end of the post the author give a challenge on how to fall in love with your spouse. It's an inspired idea. Please take the time to check it out.

4 minutes times 4 affirmations, 4 hugs, 4 fixations = Fresh Love!

(The Kiss, by Gustav Klimt, 1907)

Marital Drift

2010-01-17T21:22:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about that inevitable (unless you set your eyes on the prize and stay vigilant) thing called marital drift. This has particularly been on the forefront on my mind as I watch multiple friends go through rough patches in their marriages and some getting divorces. It breaks my heart.

Somewhere between running the kids around town to soccer games and getting to business meetings and church events and bills and holidays, life can get lost!

I hate feeling disconnected.

I was talking on the phone with my mother today and my cell phone battery died. We got disconnected. But, in real life, with people and not electronics, the disconnect happens gradually. Sometimes by the time we realize we are disconnected there is a chasm to cross.

It's good to sometimes step back and make an honest evaluation of things. And more importantly to reach out--while the distance is still the kitchen table and not the Grand Canyon.

The other night Gana built a fire in the pit outside. We sat outside for four hours drinking tea and talking. Four hours! It was wonderful! It seems like when we finally slowed down and starting talking, we couldn't stop! We had so much to say and so much stuff stored up!

Now for those that do not have six children under eight years old, this might not seem like a big deal. Maybe you are having simply rivetting coversations with your spouse everyday. But, to be honest, it had been a while since we talked for that long a stretch of time without interruption and without distraction. No computer. No phones. No television. No company. Even no children (they were in bed sleeping).

We are in the process of moving. And in sorting and packing I came across this song from an old Erin O'Donnell album called "A Scrapbook of Sorts." I haven't listened to it in years. But, listening to it the last couple of days this song just spoke deeply to my heart, as I prayed for marriages. The marriages of my friends, family members, in the Church, and even my own.

We keep standing. And if you are tired of standing, you should know that we are standing with you. Together, we are going to make it through.

"Dear Francis, I wouldn't still be here, if I didn't think, we'd get through......"

January Date-Your-Mate Winners!

2010-01-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

At our family picnic on January 10 (pictures will be posted soon!) we drew a winner for January Date-Your-Mate! And the winners are.......

Jordan and Kristina Evans with their entry of a long bike ride in Griffith Park together! Runners up are Kevin and Minoska Villegas who were drawn but graciously surrendered first prize because they won last month! They win the CD of their choice from Alpha Beth Ministries.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans win His and Hers T-Shirts from Union28! Click on the button on our sidebar to visit their site and see all their great stuff! Tell the world that marriage is worth it! And for a limited time Union28 is giving our cell group and blog readers 15% any order of two or more items! Enter this coupon code at check out: U28datesRgood15. Good only through February 12, so order soon! Makes great Mother's and Father's Day gifts!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Jordan and Kristina met in high school. They were in show choir together! They just celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss!

Q. What do you love about each other?

Kristian: I love that Jordan is steadfast and loyal (beyond anyone I've ever met). We've grown up together (23yrs) and it seems like I've loved him forever. He's my hero and my very best friend!

Jordan: I love everything about Kristina. Her personality, her adventurous nature, her looks! ;^

Q. What's the best thing about being married?
Kristina: Sharing life. We've always said we're better together than apart.

Jordan: Being a team. We don’t always agree, but we are certainly ALWAYS on the same team. We work through things, share things, and thoroughly enjoy sharing our life experiences with each other.

Q. Favorite dates, beside the obvious bike riding?

Kristina: I don't know about Jordan, but I think I have two. 1) After we put the kids to bed, we grab some cheese, bread and wine. Put on our pajamas and snuggle on the couch for a chat or a good movie. It doesn't matter what kind of day I've had, spending time like this always makes it better! 2) Going out and trying a new taco shop. We're always on the hunt for a good taco! Bike riding is good, too!!! :)

Jordan: Kristy has nailed two of my all-time favorites. Running off to Paris for the weekend is fun too!

Ooooo, la la!

CONGRATULATIONS TO JORDAN AND KRISTINA!!!!!

Our next drawing will be February 5th so start dating! And encourage your married friends at HRC to Date-Their-Mates and enter our drawing, too!

Pity Party Interrupted

2010-01-13T10:31:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:8-"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

One day Corlette, my wife, said something that really disappointed me. I went out to the backyard to rake leaves. For about 15 minutes I treated myself to a real “pity party,” increasingly convinced that I should go back in and let her know how hurt I was.
But then, by God’s grace, [Phil 4:8] came to mind. Ha! I thought at first. What’s honorable, right, or lovely about the way she’s treating me? But the Holy Spirit wouldn’t give up. Within a few moments, I grudgingly conceded that Corlette is a good cook. Then I admitted that she keeps a beautiful home, practices wonderful hospitality, and has been very kind and thoughtful toward my family. Then I remembered how much she’d supported me through some difficult times in my work. And didn’t she even take up backpacking because she knew I loved it?
Within minutes my attitude was turned upside down and I saw the offensive comment for what it was, a momentary and insignificant flaw in an otherwise wonderful person. I went back inside, but not to confront Corlette. Instead, I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her how glad I was to be married to her.
Ken Sande in The Peacemaker

How many of us can relate to this story in our own marriages and relationships with other’s? I know I can, and I can tell you there have been plenty of times where I chose to hold onto the offense and allowed anger to boil. This is an example of when we look at the good in our spouse, as oppose to dwelling on the negative, we allow God to create an atmosphere of love, kindness, forgiveness, understanding, grace, and it allows intimacy to grow between us and God, and with our spouse. Ask yourself, how might I apply this to a problem or conflict I’m currently encountering?

Mark Soto

Selfless Giving

2010-01-11T22:42:00.000-08:00

My wife and I just recently became grandparents to a beautiful baby girl.
Her name is Aubrey. First of all I can’t believe I’m a grandpa at this point in my life, but she is definitely a gift from God. Our son and his wife are living with us, so we get to see our grandbaby everyday. My wife has been a tremendous help to both our son and our daughter-in-law. She has shown me a new meaning of selfless giving these past two weeks. I am married to an amazing woman. Our daughter-in-law started having mild contractions a week prior to her delivery. She was unable to sleep at night during this time. My wife was up every night with her to comfort her. She would get up early the next morning to help her through the day. She has been doing laundry for them. Helping set up their room, organize the babies stuff and so on. At the hospital she was there from beginning to end. Helping with our granddaughter, helping with breast feeding, changing her, dealing with the hospital. I can go on forever. She did all this with minimum amounts of sleep. We also have our two daughters’ at home to take care of. Just watching my wife give of herself without ever complaining. In fact I complained for her and she would just tell me it’s in her heart to serve. God has truly given her a heart to serve. I was convicted in the area of serving others. Don’t get me wrong, I love to serve, but my wife can just keep going even when she is tired and she does it without complaining. Don’t worry; she has learned to draw boundaries, so she does not taken away from me and our girls. She is amazing. I know I said that already, but I can’t say it enough. She has inspired me to do things selflessly and without complaining and that can be a challenge with me at times. I ask God to give us His heart. To be able to serve with a joy in our hearts. To serve our spouse, our children, family, friends, and even strangers. Jesus was the example of a servant’s heart. He went to the cross for us. I think about Jesus washing the disciples’ feet. How humble of an act it was. John 13: 15-17- “For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” This doesn’t mean we go around washing everyone’s feet, but it does show us how to humble ourselves to serve other’s even if we feel we are above what we are doing. So remember, our service starts at home first with our spouse and children. But we are also called to serve one another. I know it will sometimes take us out of our cozy little lifestyles, too bad. Imagine if Jesus decided not to die on the cross because it wouldn’t benefit Him or He was too busy. Let’s go out of our way for each other. Let’s pray, encourage, and love one another as Jesus showed us. Thank you babe for reminding me what a selfless heart looks like. You are amazing. I love you.
Romans 12:10- "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."

Mark Soto

Congratulations Mark and Raquel!

2010-01-08T19:11:00.000-08:00

Mark and Raquel welcomed a sweet little bundle of grandbaby joy yesterday!

Her name is Aubrey Modesta!

Happy parents, Ana and Andrew, are doing great!

Hippest grandparents ever!

Do I Have A Right To Be Offended?

2010-01-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

(Excerpt from Daffodil Dreams blog.)

In my meditations lately, relationships have been heavy on my heart. I’ve been noticing a phenomenon lately. One that has no wisdom, Biblically or otherwise, as a foundation. But widespread nonetheless.

What is this prevalent, though unwise, thought? The thought that one should never be offended. That if one is offended about anything, something is wrong. Something needs to be said, done, or corrected. Someone needs confronting. And then, of course, a person also has the perfect right to stew about it.

However, Jesus says in Matthew 18:7, that offenses WILL come. So, the first thing we need to come to terms with is that offenses WILL COME. There is no way around that. You will be offended by your spouse. By your parents. By your child. By your boss. By your employee. By your neighbor. By the person sitting next to you in church. The only way to not be offended by someone is to not let your life touch that person or that person touch your life. Since you cannot follow Christ and also not be in fellowship with His Body, that is not an option.

(Read the rest here. You will NOT be disappointed!)

January DATE YOUR MATE reminder!

2010-01-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

We have some exciting prizes to announce for January Date Your Mate! We will draw the winner at the picnic on January 10. You do NOT need to be present to win, but you must have entered in person, via email or in a comment on the blog before that Sunday.

The prize is.......*drumroll*........

HIS AND HER SHIRTS from Union 28! You can see some of their products on this post.

The fine print:

1. Turn in your date by the first cell group meeting of the month. That is when we will draw a winner!

2. You enter by telling us when, where and what you did on your date. No TMI, please! LOL!

3. You may enter in person at cell group, via an email to Raquel or Daja or via the blog (leave a comment with the particulars).

4. You do not need to be present to win!!!!

5. You do not need to be a regular cell group attendee to enter! If you read the blog, you may enter on the blog. We want to encourage all married couples to set aside time for just the two of you! Remember your marriage!

Agalliao

2010-01-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Is this how Jesus will present us to His Father? We think, YES!

Gana and Daja

Marriage is sacred. It was created to be the wedding portrait of Christ and His Bride hung over the blazing fireplace of judgement. A match made in Heaven, a contract signed in blood. In the bond of marriage, we are to stand at the altar of Sacrifice or we're not to stand at all.

Colossians 1:16-17, gives us this assurance-- "...by him all things were created...and in him all things hold together."

God alone created marriage. Adam slept through the entire ceremony. Eve came in late. It seems to me men are still sleeping through marriage and women are still coming to their senses a little too late. God alone performed that ceremony and He alone can hold it together.

Much of our disillusionment over marriage stems from the fact that we've been duped into believing that good equals easy. In other words, we often assume that if something is difficult, it can't be of God. Nothing has been more difficult for Christ than the marraige to His Bride yet Jude 24 says He'll present her to His Father with great joy! The Greek root word is "Agalliao." It means "to show one's joy by leaping and skipping denoting excessive or ecstatic joy and delight!" Just picture it. After all the ups and downs in the relationship, after all the marriage has cost Him, He'll act like a love-struck boy introducing his girl to his dad for the very first time. Why? Because He thinks she was worth it.

On the pleasant days of marraige, gaze across at your groom and conclude that he is worth it. On the difficult days of marriage gaze up at your Groom and conclude that He's worth it.

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12b

(by Beth Moore from her book Things Pondered.)

Watching You

2009-12-30T13:37:00.000-08:00

When I saw this video, I knew I had to share it. It is so true what the video says. Our actions speak louder than words to our children. Our children learn by watching us as their parents. It is foolish to think that our children don't see what goes on in our homes. It starts at a very young age. Infants begin to mimic us as soon as they have the coordination to do so. Then when they learn to talk, they will repeat what they hear. We are to bring up our children in the ways of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6-"Train up a child in the way he should go,and when he is old he will not depart from it." It starts with our walk with God, this is how we train our children to love the Lord. When they see us put our faith in Him, no matter the situation, it builds faith in our children. When we worship Him at home, not just on Sunday at church, when we pray as a family, when we study His word, when we admit our faults and weaknesses, we train our children how to be humble. When we practice forgiveness at home we represent who Jesus is to our children. But when our walk with God is only on a Sunday, our marriages are on the verge of divorce, when we are selfish and full of pride, we also train our children. My wife and I truly want to be an example of Jesus to our children. Even with all our faults we can show who God is through our actions. It is in our weakness where God is glorified. But we must allow Him access to those areas. He tells us in Proverbs 14:26-"He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." I want God to be my children's refuge. My wife and I have made a lot of mistakes raising our children, especially before we became Christians. God has been good to us. I have seen my son try to live his life as a teenager without a relationship with God and now as a 22 year old man accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior. God is faithful! He keeps His promises. We showed our son the example of who God is, and he came back to Him. 2009 is almost over. Let's not take the same old attitude into 2010. It is time for change, time to renew our minds in Christ. Don't condemn yourself for past failures. Learn from them, look what God did for our son, even with all our faults. It is time to build a secure fortress for our children. It starts with us as parents and with our relationship with God. So ask yourself where you could allow God to come and make a change in your life. Our children are counting on us. Remember, they are watching you.

Mark Soto

God Is With Us

2009-12-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

"Blessed is the Lord God of Israel, for He has visited and redeemed His people."
— Luke 1:68
Immanuel: God is with us—God came to us. What a staggering thought. It is really the essence of the Christian faith and the Christian life. All other religious ideologies essentially tell you that you must do something: Do this, and you will find inner peace. . . . Do this, and you will reach nirvana. . . . Do this, and maybe you will make it to heaven. But Christianity says it is done—done for you at the Cross, paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.Being a Christian is not merely following a creed; it is having Christ himself live in you and through you, giving you the strength to be the man or woman He has called you to be. Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20) and "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).The message of Christmas is God with us. That is important to know, especially during those times when we are going through great difficulty. The psalmist said, "If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me" (Psalm 139:9–10). It is great to know that God is with you wherever you go.The Bible never teaches that we will have problem-free lives as followers of Christ. But the Bible does teach that we never will be alone. And because of that, we don't have to be afraid. As Ray Stedman said, "The chief mark of the Christian ought to be the absence of fear and the presence of joy."That is the message that this sin-sick world needs to hear: Immanuel—God is with us.

Greg Laurie

Tis The Season To Be Joyful?

2009-12-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

I don’t know about you, this shopping stuff around Christmas time can be dangerous. I got to admit, I really don’t enjoy going to malls anytime of the year especially during Christmas time. . The other day I went out with my wife and my two daughters’. We were honked at repeatedly, yelled at, almost run over by an impatient driver, was pushed and shoved, cut off by another shopping cart, and watched someone give another person the high sign. What a day we had. It got to the point I just had to laugh or other wise I might have joined the people with some holiday cheer of my own. It all made me just reflect on what Christmas is really about. I thanked God for loving us so much that He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us. In years past I would have lost my temper and acted just like everyone else. I realize I must set an example to my family and to other’s. I can’t talk about patience, love, kindness, and the joy that Jesus fills me with, then go out and do the opposite. During this time of running around, being yelled at, honked at, cursed at, cut off, pushed, shoved, and almost run over, let’s remember who we represent. We represent our Savoir Jesus Christ who Christmas is all about. It is a true test of who we really are when we respond in love, kindness, patience, and a joy in our heart. This is who we should be all year round, not just during Christmas time. Remember a smile or an act of kindness can make a difference in someone else’s life. So let’s not be like the rest of the world. Let the light of Jesus shine through you during this busy holiday season. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Mark Soto

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2009-12-22T16:10:00.000-08:00

Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history, because it has meant the pouring into a sick world of the healing medicine of love which has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years... Underneath all the bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart. - George Mathhew Adams

The Sotos

Mark and Raquel

Andrew, Ana, Samantha and Mikaila

The Gombojavs

Gana and Daja

Meg, Israel, Luc, Captain, Belgee, and Saraa

May your home be filled

with love and peace this Christmas!

This Whole Christmas Thing

2009-12-21T15:58:00.000-08:00

(I do not know who wrote this, but it's definitely worth sharing!)

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season, overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened, and there was already a crowd in the elevator. She pushed her way in and dragged her two kids in with her and all the shopping bags. When the doors closed, she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot." From the back, everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry. We already crucified him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator, it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the one who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it, just think how different this whole world would be.

--Author Unknown

Get A Jump On Christmas!

2009-12-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

One more present to buy. Buy wrapping paper. Wrap gifts. Where did I hide that particular present? Oops, forgot to get a present for the mailman. Make cookies. Eat too many. School Christmas party. Gotta get a gift for the teacher. Address Christmas cards. Lost address book. Call grandmother for addresses. Stand in line at the post office and smile at the grumpy old man behind me. Maybe I should let him go in front of me. Go to the grocery store. How could they be out of currants? Go to another grocery store. Plan holiday meals. Fall into bed, exhausted.

In all your running around this final week before Christmas, don't forget to ENJOY the season! This season of great joy, because God put on flesh. We behold His glory. The only begotten of the Father. Grace. Truth.

Simplify the season. The first Christmas was rather simple. A man. A woman. A manger. And yet the Glory of God filled the place. The Messiah wrapped in swaddling clothes. Come and adore Him.

Take time for joy this week. Take time to let the reason of the season thrill you to your core. You just might feel the urge to jump.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Little Corrections Keep Us On Track

2009-12-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Have you ever or heard of someone falling asleep while driving and drifted across the lanes on the highway? Since you are asleep, you don’t even realize that you are drifting out of control. Usually once that person does realizes what has happened, they over correct by turning the steering wheel too much. This can very easily lead to an accident. We can very easily drift in our marriages and not realize it until we are about ready to crash. When we get married we truly believe it is for a lifetime. I don’t know of any couples who get married with the expectation of divorce later. But as time goes by we get busy, distracted, complacent, or preoccupied with kids or work or even ministry. Before you know it you have veered across the lanes into oncoming traffic. For some couples this can happen in months, and for others it can be over many years of marriage. When we finally do wake up and realize we are in a crisis we want instant change. It is natural to think for a big problem, we need a big solution. But when you look at when we drive our cars we are constantly making little corrections in steering to stay on course. This is what we need to do in our marriages and in our own lives. We need to constantly ask God to reveal areas of our life we need to change. Remember, He is not going to give us more than we can handle. Little corrections or changes will keep our marriages on course. This also applies with our walk with God, our role as parents, our friendships, and our personal lives. So when we run into our circumstances which can look like a mountain, we don’t always have to try and tackle the whole situation at once. Allow God to make little corrections in you. As we continue to make little corrections, it will lead to major change down the road in our life, our marriages, and in our families. Looking at the whole mountain can be overwhelming. Jesus tells us to have faith. With faith we allow God to remove those mountains that are in front of us. Sometimes those mountains can’t be avoided; the storms of life will come. But there are mountains in our life that are created by us. However you get there in your marriage making small corrections can be a powerful tool for moving a couple back toward healing, caring, closeness, and loving one another again. Let’s not take the fast food mentality when it comes to the trials in our marriage. Too many times we want instant change in our circumstances when it took us years to get there. We give up before God even has a chance to work in us. We end up settling for marriages that just go through the motions. Don’t buy the lie and settle for anything less than what God has in store for your marriage. Small corrections in your life can begin to change everything in your relationships. Focus on making little changes, and watch how much God can grow your marriage.

Mark Soto

The Gap In The Covenant

2009-12-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

(An excerpt from Sarah Markley's blog.)

But, even so we have a covenant. We have binding promises. We didn’t say Until One Of Us Wounds The Other. Or Until You Get Really Mad At Me. Or even, Until We Really Really Hate Each Other. We said Until Death Do Us Part. It’s forever.

What makes the difference is this: we are learning to live in the gap of the covenant. Because sometimes only one of us is upholding our promises. Love. Honor. Respect.

When he doesn’t hold up his end, I hold up mine. When I fail miserably and say something un-take-back-able, he stands still as my husband, unshaken by something as fleeting as a word in the face of a promise. Even though it hurts and it takes time to get over, we are learning to practice this.

But our example for this isn’t each other (we are far from skilled even at this) or even another couple we admire. Our example is the first Covenant Maker.

Read the rest here. It's worth your time; you won't be disappointed!

With Gratefulness to the first Covenant Maker!

Docker's Man-ifesto!

2009-12-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

In a society where gender lines are constantly blurred and movies like Twilight are portraying leading men that are much more feminine than generations of leading men before them, I stumbled across a Man-ifesto, an ad for khakis that makes me want to go out buy a pair for every real man I know!

This is a must see ad!

Wear The Pants

Tell us what you think! Leave a comment!

Accountability Keeps it Real

2009-12-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

· Let Someone Sharpen You
- How many high profile people have fallen prey to temptation;
especially sexual temptation.
- In 2 Samuel 12, Nathan the prophet spoke into King David’s life.
- David had an adulterous affair with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah.
She became pregnant by David. Then David goes on to have Uriah
killed in battle.
- Nathan, sent by God tells King David a story about a rich man and
the poor man. The rich man had exceedingly many flocks and the
poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb.
-This poor man raised and nourished this ewe lamb. It grew up
with him and his children. It was a family pet that they all loved
tremendously. It was like a daughter to him.
- It goes on to say that the rich man takes the poor man’s lamb to
prepare a meal for a traveler. The rich man could have easily
taken one from his flock.
- After David heard this story, he was angry at the rich man for
what he did. 2 Samuel 12:5-7- David says, “As the Lord lives, the
man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore
fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he
had no pity.” Than Nathan said to David, “You are the man!”
-As fellow believers in Christ, we need to hold each other
accountable and encourage one other.
-Proverbs 27:5- “Better is open rebuke, than hidden love.”
-It takes an act of submission to God first, then we need to learn to
submit to one another for personal accountability.
-Accountability is a decision we must make. No one can force us.
-We need others to have access into our lives. It keeps us from
isolating ourselves, isolation is where the enemy wants us.
-Martin Luther states, “Without confrontation, faith stagnates.”
-We all need to be sharpened, to grow, to avoid mediocrity, from
becoming lukewarm, and to be encouraged.
· Let Another In
-When you think of some of the famous sports stars, or even high
profile pastor’s that fell to temptation, I wonder how approachable
were they.
-Were they teachable? Did they allow pride or arrogance to get in
their way?
-We are all going to be tempted. It’s what you do with it that
counts.
-When we struggle and when we have accountability partner’s, we
know we are not going at it alone.
-When we build relationships, we are better able to become
transparent with each other. Transparency builds trust.
-Trust will allow us to speak into each others lives.
-Choose someone you are comfortable with, someone you respect.
-Someone who has your permission to speak the truth in love.
-Ephesians 4:25- “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood
and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of
one body.”
-We need to be real with each other. Remember we can fool one
another, but we cannot fool our Heavenly Father.
· How are you really doing?
-That is the real question we need to ask each other.
-We need to get to the heart issue as men.
-So it is time to be accessible to one another.
-To allow other men into those closed off areas.
-There is no shame, no condemnation. We need to create an
atmosphere where failure is not death.
-We are a new creation with no record of wrong.
-So let’s encourage each other, be transparent, be teachable, let go
of pride, and let go of fear.
-It is not always going to be easy. It can be frustrating, but never
give up on each other.
-Imagine if God would have given up on you.
-Love one another.
-Share your testimonies, your testimony will speak life into
other’s.
-Don’t ever sell yourself short. God is not looking for perfection.
-He is looking for men who are willing to step out in faith.

Mark Soto

December Date-Your-Mate Winner!

2009-12-06T15:26:00.001-08:00

At the last cell group meeting, we drew the winner for December Date-Your-Mate!

And the winner is............

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Kevin and Minoska met in college. Kevin proposed to Minoska in April 1996 and they were married June 1, 1996. They have two children, Isabel and Benjamin.

Kevin and Minoska's winning date, going to Taco Bell, wins them a one of a kind calendar, from Jaqueline Kyoda! (Click on the link on our sidebar to learn more about her work!)

Have a happy and romantic December!

Are You The Leader Of Your Home?

2009-12-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

Are you as the man taking the spiritual lead in your home or are you sitting back and allowing your wife to take the spiritual leadership role of the home? Marriages and families are falling apart at record numbers today. The sad part is that there is no difference between Christian marriages and non-Christian marriages. There are many factors why marriages are ending in divorce. One reason I would like to point out is the leadership roles that men are taking in their marriages today. A lot of men are sitting back and watching from the bleachers as oppose to being in the game. We are allowing our wives to take up that role where God has intended the man to take ownership of. It is hard enough to run the household, raise children, and be on duty 24 hours a day. Then we as men pile on the responsibility of spiritual head of home. That is too much for anyone person to bear. How loved do you think your wife must feel when she feels that all the responsibility falls on her shoulders. More women today are just burning out. The percentage of married women having adulterous affairs has increased dramatically. When your wife does not feel loved by you as her husband and she is burnt out that is a dangerous place to be. Satan will come like a wolf in sheep’s clothing to tempt her. If you look at Eve in Genesis 3:1- “Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made.” Where was Adam at this time? So how are you covering your wife on a daily basis? We need to start praying for our wives everyday. There are so many areas of their lives that need our prayers as husbands for covering. Start with yourself as her husband, but also pray for her spirit, emotions, motherhood, moods, submission, relationships, beauty, fears, purpose, desires, and the list can go on. Believe you me I got pretty overwhelmed when I started thinking of all the areas that I need to pray for my wife. I just learned that I can’t pray for everything in her life everyday, so I broke it down to a smaller list each day and through the week I cover the areas in her life where God is leading me to pray.

God spoke to Adam about the do’s and don’ts in the Garden of Eden. It was his responsibility to make sure his wife truly understood these commands God gave him. God tells us husbands to love our wives; to dwell with them in understanding; to present them without a blemish; to cherish them. When our wives feel loved, when their love tanks are full, our wives will do anything to serve us as their husbands. We must learn to speak our wives love language. Gary Chapman has a book titled, “The Five Love Languages” men’s edition. I highly recommend it to all married men. It teaches us how to recognize our wife’s love language and how to speak it to her. It is time to humble ourselves as men and take ownership of our marriage and families. We need to stop shifting blame and stop hiding our shame. Shame is a lie of the enemy to keep us in bondage. After Adam and Eve ate of the fruit it says their eyes were open. They realized they were naked. And when God called for Adam he hid because he was afraid. This is where shame, fear, guilt, and condemnation entered into our lives and marriages. We have a tendency to hide and isolate ourselves when we struggle in our daily lives and in our marriages. The enemy’s mission is to destroy our marriage and families. But when we confess all our sins, our shame, our fears, our guilt, it releases us of the condemnation and allows God to restore us. We must truly repent and turn from our ways. We have all been their one time or another in our lives and maybe you are there today. No more excuses! Adam then goes on to tell God that it was the woman You gave me. That was his opportunity to confess his sins, but he chose to shift the blame on Eve and God. Men, we do this today when we are frustrated, tired of our wives nagging, complaining, and lack of respect. But instead of saying my wife is messed up, why don’t we ask God to show us where we are failing in our homes. I guarantee you that if your wife felt loved and cherished by you, she would not have much to complain about. You will reap the love from your wife when you sow into her.
How many of you know that we serve a good God? God goes on to clothe Adam and Eve, to cover up their shame. God also gave us Jesus to die on the cross so we can be restored to our rightful place as his children, in our marriages, and in our families. So men ask yourself if you are doing your part as servant leader. Are you taking charge of your family? Are you serving with love and a joy in your heart? I know there was a time when I sat back and did not take the role of spiritual leader. I can tell you from experience that I learned the hard way. Thank you God for humbling me as a man and continuing to humble me. It is time to take off that mask if you are wearing one and stop acting like everything is ok in your marriage. Let’s not hide behind the lie of shame. We need more men who are willing to be real and allow God and other brother’s in Christ to speak into their lives. So men I challenge you today to step up to the servant leader of your homes. To equally submit yourself as husband’s. Remember you don’t have to do it all on your own. God blessed you with a comparable helper in your wife. But she needs you to take initiative in your home. Being a provider is great, but you also need to be a protector, a supporter, a helper, a friend, and a lover. When you step into your role as a man, a husband, and a father, as God commanded you, you will not regret it. You will be a blessed man.

Mark Soto

Slow Fade

2009-11-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

I'm More In Love Today!

2009-11-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

I love my wife Raquel more today than I ever have before. It is my wife’s birthday tomorrow. I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying about all the things I am thankful for. Of course yesterday was Thanksgiving. I am truly a blessed man to have my beautiful wife Raquel in my life. She has definitely made me a better man. We have been together for 18 years. I can’t say that all those years were the best of times, but for all that we have been through I would not change a thing. I thank God that He took a marriage on the verge of divorce and is now using us to minister into other couples marriages. How good of a Father do we serve! There was a time when my wife told me that she did not love me anymore. She actually told me that I disgusted her. But when we allow God to work in our circumstances and hand it over to Him, we allow God to create miracles. And a miracle He did in our marriage. When I look back at all that my wife and I have been through, it brings a smile to my face to see how far God has brought the both of us. My love for her grows every day. It’s not that we don’t have our moments when we irritate or get on each others nerves, we do, but it's that God has shown me to look past those areas of our marriage and see the beautiful bride He has blessed me with. My wife is truly a godly woman. She walks it every day of her life. She is an example to our daughters of what a godly woman looks like. Thank you babe for passing on a gift like that to our precious girls. She is more beautiful today than the day I met her. We were not Christians when we first met. When I met her she was smoking hot. Not only is she smoking hot today, but she radiates the beauty of God. I could honestly say, she has got the whole package. She loves the Lord with all her heart, mind, body, and soul. She is a wonderful wife who truly makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. God really loves me! She is the sweetest mother to our two girls, our son and our daughter-in-law. And she is going to be the hottest grandma around. So babe, thank you for loving me as I am. I love you too much to not try and become that godly man that God commands me to be. You deserve the best that I have to offer. Even though I am not perfect and will make mistakes, I will continue to allow God to show me where I need to grow. Thank you for all the hard work you do to serve us. I know your job as a mother never ends. You are an amazing woman. I look forward to the years ahead. So, Happy Birthday Babe, I love you more and more every day.

Love Always,
Mark (your hubby)

Choose An Attitude For Gratitude

2009-11-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

Where has your attitude been ? Has it been an attitude of thankfulness/gratefulness or of complaining? Ephesians 5:20- “Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Thanksgiving is just a few days away. How great is it to live in a country that dedicates a day to give thanks to God. It is truly a time when family gathers together and gives thanks and enjoys good food and watches some football. Unfortunately in today’s society we often go through our daily lives without giving thanks to God. We are a society of the me attitude. It’s about what have you done for me lately as to what can I do for you. Our default response to difficulties in life is to complain, whine, grumble, or blame. We complain about our situation, our self, our marriage, our kids, our finances, and everything else that doesn’t go our way. I am talking about Christians and non-Christians alike. I even include myself in this category of complainers. I thank God that He has really been working on me in this area. If we were to be more thankful in all things as Christians, maybe our divorce rate would not equal or surpass the divorce rate of the secular world.
Romans 8:28- “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Can we see the good in bad? Can we look past our circumstances to see God at work on the other end? I work as a firefighter and over the years I have seen some horrendous things. I recently responded on a traffic accident on the freeway one early Sunday morning. An suv with a family of five crashed into the back of a parked big rig truck on the side of the freeway. A mother and father and there 14 year old son were killed in the crash. There 9 year old daughter and 11 year old son were able to escape out a window before the suv caught fire. Thank God the two young children were not injured in the accident. A passerby stopped and put the children into the back of his pickup truck. When I got on scene I was told that we would be treating the two children that survived. A captain explained to me that both there parents and 14 year old brother were killed and that they did not know yet. My partner and I carried the two children from the truck to the back of our ambulance. My heart was torn for them. I’ll be honest, at first I didn’t even know how to act. Knowing they just lost there family. They were beautiful children. When I started talking to them I found out that they were headed to their grandparent’s house in Oregon to celebrate Thanksgiving. The 11 year old boy then asked me if his parents and brother were dead. It really hit me; I told them that I didn’t know, that we were there to take care of them. I knew they had a sense that they might be dead, but they had some hope at that point. We transported them to the hospital. I gave them both a big hug and they both thanked me for being so kind to them. As I walked out of the hospital I began to cry for them. I can honestly say it is the first time I cried as a firefighter. I don’t have a problem with crying; just ask my wife and kids. They actually call me a big sensitive baby. I’m proud that God has softened my heart to that point.

It was on my way home that morning when I got off my shift that I felt convicted. It really put life into perspective of how we take for granted things in life. I kept thinking of those two children who just lost there family. The pain and suffering they will go through. He convicted me of the things I complain about. When a car drives to slow in front of me when I’m in a hurry. Standing in a checkout line at the market when all the other lines are moving faster. When the last person in the bathroom doesn’t change the toilet paper roll when it only has two little squares left on it. It could be when our phone is ringing all day, or having to go somewhere when all you want to do is stay home and relax. I thought to myself, how pitiful it is to complain about these meaningless things. Once again I thought about those two children and there loss. Someone just lost a son, a daughter, and a grandson.
We all go through trials and sufferings in life. Dr. Jerry Sitzer wrote a book called, “A Grace Disguised” after losing his wife, 4 year old daughter, and mother in a tragic car accident. In the book he states, “It’s not so much what happens to you that matters, it’s how you respond to it.” Is your circumstance going to drive you away from God, or is it going to drive you closer to God. When we respond in faith, we can look beyond our circumstance and see God at work in it. It is then we can give thanks to God in our circumstance no matter how difficult it may seem or be. Paul says in Philippians 4:11- “For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance.” Not only does this bring joy in our lives, but we also model thankfulness, contentment, gratitude, and a faith in God to our children. We teach them how to handle the storms of life that will come. That they must be rooted in Christ Jesus first. Our children learn by our example. 1 Thessalonians 5:16- “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.” I don’t know about you, but I want to live this will that God has for us in my life, my marriage, and see it in my children’s life. How can we not be thankful knowing Jesus died on the cross for us? Remember we were bought at a price.

Let’s make a choice today to have an attitude for gratitude. I’m thankful to wake up every morning to another day of life. I’m thankful to be able to walk, talk, hold my wife and children, or even to have teeth to brush and hair to comb. I’m thankful for what God has in store for me and my family. So ask yourself, are you truly thankful for your wife/husband? If so, do you tell them how thankful you are for them? Do you thank your children for who they are? How about thanking janitors, bus boys in restaurants, house keepers in hotels, and the list can go on. As Christians, we should stand out from the rest of the world. So let’s learn to be thankful in all things. Let’s give our worries to the Lord. Let’s do things without complaining and allow the love of Christ to shine through us for the world to see.
Psalm 100:4-5- “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.”

Mark Soto

Relationships

2009-11-23T17:28:00.000-08:00

Life is relationships;
the rest is just details.
Gary Smalley

God has been talking to me about relationship. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot these days and so seemingly has no meaning. I detest when someone says that he or she is "in a relationship." What does that even mean? I'm in lots of relationships- -I'm a wife to my husband, a mother to my children, a daughter to my parents, a sister, a friend, a cell leader, a teacher, a church member, etc. These are all relationships. Usually when people say that they are "in a relationship" they mean they are having emotional or sexual encounters or soul-weaving with someone that is not defined by any covenant, legal agreement, or set of binding obligations. The expectations are very vague. There is no protection. No one says that they are "in a relationship" with their bank teller. No one says they are "in a relationship" with their children. These true relationships are defined by their very names. The obligations of both parties are understood.

Our God is a God of relationship. It's not just something God likes, but WHO GOD IS! God is defined in terms of relationship- -Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And He created us FROM relationship- -"Let us make man in Our image." He created us FOR relationship. And He is always leading us back TO relationship. "If we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship with one another." When we are walking with God (in relationship) we have fellowship (proper relationship) with one another! (I John 1:7) When God built the Church He used the patterns of a BODY and a FAMILY. Relational terms!

I think this is why Satan is always trying to attack people in the area of relationships. It's not God who prompts people to bail on their marriages (or settle for a second rate one). It's not God who causes people to church hop as if Christian fellowship is a Hometown Buffet. It's not God who causes division among brother and sisters in Christ causing them to exalt issues above relationships.

I Corinthians 1:10, "Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment."

Over and over again lately God keeps causing the message of godly, covenant relationships to leap out from the Scriptures, from prophecies, from stories. God just keeps saying: RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP.

In our busy, busy society one has to make effort and carve out time for relationships. Sometimes projects overshadow brotherhood and calendars overshadow marriages. Lately, I've been striving to be less busy, even saying no to GOOD THINGS so that I can save my time for the BEST THINGS. And the best things are relationships. I've been having more tea with friends, playing more with the kids, having more families over for dinner just because, etc. It's been enriching!

Family Cell Group has been a really important area of relationship building in the past year. Some of us have made the conscious choice to stick together through life's messy challenges. Like iron sharpening iron we've each been changed and challenged and perfected. That's a godly relationship. Godly relationships are not all roses and tea parties (although who doesn't like those! *smile*). But, godly relationships sometimes FORCE us to be more like God created us to be. That's not always easy or comfortable. But the result is BEAUTIFUL!

Thank you all for being a beautifying agent in our lives. Thank you for just being there. Your consistent presence has spoken to me of the consistency of the Lord. You are a beacon of covenant relationship light in a world of relational darkness!